Last Updated on August 31, 2020

Men have lots of pressure on them, including the pressure to step in and “be the hero.” Should we put more pressure on women to be heroines? Or is that an unfair pressure to everyone?

What does it mean to be a hero? First, let’s look closely at a definition.

“A hero (masculine) or heroine (feminine) is a person or main character of a literary work who, in the face of danger, combats adversity through impressive feats of ingenuity, bravery or strength, often sacrificing his or her own personal concerns for some greater good.“ – from wikipedia

Wow! Adversity, impressive feats of ingenuity, self-sacrificing for the greater good. These are big shoes to fill. Nobody should be expected to perform this way, whether they are male or female. Maybe it’s time to revisit the whole concept of wanting or expecting our lover to be a hero and give the idea a new, more inspiring meaning.

HEROES ARE NEEDED

I can tell you that women need heroes. We don’t need the self-sacrificing kind, or the knight in shining armor to scoop us into his arms while riding a big white horse at full speed.

But a man who is willing to show up for her and ignite her can play a huge role in a woman’s actual growth. I want you to know as well that men need heroines. They don’t need the castrating woman or the strong feminist who makes him wrong at every corner. But the right kind of heroine can help bring out the best in him, just like the right kind of hero can bring out the best in a woman. 

LISTEN TO EPISODE 16 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: THE ART OF SEDUCTION

I believe that being a hero is about exhibiting extraordinary selflessness and delivering more than is expected, and without any agenda other than the desire to make someone else’s life better. For myself, being a hero is expecting more of myself and doing my best at all times, even when I think I might fail at something. 

We need to let go of the idea that we have to do it all on our own and can’t ask for help. We honor our lovers and friends when we reach out with clear requests and share our needs. It gives the others a chance to be our hero, stimulates the sense of appreciation for the other’s gifts, and their generosity, which brings us closer. We must reach out and find others who can help us become who we want to be and lead us where we want to go. 

HERO REDEFINED

Here are some of the most important qualities I believe make a hero:: 

H stands for honesty:: 

Honesty is a way of life. It’s more than just speaking factually about events. It’s about your ability to express your deepest truth with integrity and kindness. Be real, nicely. It’s about listening to your heart, knowing what you want, and having the strength to speak it, with compassion, no matter the risk you might perceive to your relationships.

Honesty is sexy…

because it shows personal power and authenticity, two of the most powerful and attractive masculine traits. Anything less than full honesty brings hesitation, doubt, or guilt to a relationship, which robs a man of his masculine power and undermines true intimacy. 

E stands for empathy::

Empathy is putting yourself in the other’s shoes. It’s about having emotional intelligence and caring deeply for another. When you understand another’s needs and feelings you can help them develop to their full potential. 

Empathy is sexy…

because it shows your ability to give and receive love. When you can connect emotionally with a woman, she can find you attractive and open her heart to you.

R stands for resilience::

Resilience is about being flexible and adapting to new circumstances quickly. It’s about finding the gift in any challenges you are facing. It’s about focusing on the opportunity to learn, grow, and move forward despite the pain. 

Resilience is sexy…

because it says you know how to cope. It’s about your ability to bounce back from difficult times and it means you are not afraid to stand by your woman during her challenging times as well. 

O stands for openness::

Openness is the path to the heart. It’s your ability to be open and real and to express your true self, rather than to dim your light, or to hide because of what people think. Dare to show up and let yourself be seen as the unique, powerful expression of You.

Openness is sexy…

because it reveals the real you and frees you to live with all your energy. When you are hiding something, you are not bringing your full energy to the relationship, or your life, and that will always result in less than full intimacy, and it makes it harder to find your masculine power. 

MAKE A DIFFERENCE

If we live our lives by these guidelines, any ordinary person can achieve extraordinary results and make a difference in the lives of others. Anyone can be a hero. 

If we want our relationships to be amazing, we must show up and be amazing, like a hero.