Last Updated on August 31, 2020

Maybe your relationship has lost some of its sizzle, and you ready to reignite the passion and the fire back. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you probably are familiar with the dilemma of experiencing safety, comfort, and love WHILE  keeping the passion alive.

Do you remember those days when you could barely get enough of each other? When just the smell of your partner would send you to another dimension? When spending hours discovering each other’s bodies was your favorite activity?

Let me tell you that it is possible to create a relationship where you have a depth of intimacy that matches the height of the passion.

If the love prevails even though the sex is rarer, you can turn this into an opportunity. Now is the time to create the sex you want.

CHOOSE PASSION

Once the newness of a hot romance is gone, we need to find new ways to maintain the spark and passion. Relationships are like plants: they need to be watered and tended to thrive.

In life, there are two directions: either 1) we grow and expand or 2) we get stale and die. Often in longterm relationships, the latter is the experience, especially when it comes to sex matters.

So, many people think that they need to spice things up. Their mind already goes into crazy BDSM tricks inspired by their read of “50 Shades of Grey.” Some people challenge themselves to try every position of the Kama Sutra, even if they have never taken a yoga class. Others try opening their relationship or going to swinger clubs.

There is a middle way. Instead of reaching for BDSM, let’s call it DSS: Delicious Small Changes. Here is how it goes.

FOUR WAYS TO REIGNITE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

1. Communicate.

Share your feelings, emotions, joys, celebrations with one another. Do you remember when you used to be interested in each other’s dreams? When you genuinely gave each other your full focus and attention? Bring that back!

Then take it to the next level and add appreciation to the mix. Share what you appreciate about each other. If you can keep the ratio of your shares where you are expressing three times more positive than negative to your partner, it will make a big difference in how you feel about each other, and it will greatly increase your attraction. This is very predictable.

READ THIS: THE SECRET OF SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

2. Create a constant state of arousal.

Acknowledge your sexual desires. Verbally express what you want to each other, with specific detail.

Your partner isn’t a Jedi mind reader so actually asking for what you want is hot. And really listening to your lover will give you so many pointers for how to bring them to greater pleasure.

Focus on your polarity. A lack of desire is a lack of polarity. What is polarity, you ask? It is the energetic charge created by the differences between the masculine and the feminine energy. That’s not gender-specific, we each have some of both.

So when you are in a relationship where you have polarity, you are magnetically attracted to each other. In order to feel that pull towards one another, you need to have a partner that embodies more of the masculine traits and one that embodies more of the feminine traits. As a woman, cultivate your feminine energy, and as a man cultivate your masculine energy.

If you both do that you will want each other much more and you will see your partner with fresh eyes.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 08 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: HOW TO GET IN THE MOOD EVEN WHEN YOU ARE STRESSED OUT

3. Prioritize intimacy.

Make time to be intimate and focus on each other’s pleasure.

I don’t care how many things are pending on your never-ending to-do list. If you want sex to happen, and you want it to be epic, then make time and write it down in your schedule — both of you. Not romantic enough? I know, some of you will say that it is not spontaneous enough.

Well, would you rather have scheduled sex or no sex?

4. Drop the goal of reaching orgasm.

Make it about the quality of the connection. Let go of any agenda and destination.

If women weren’t pressured to have orgasms, men would have much more sex. When you are having sex for the pleasure and connection it brings you both, rather than for a destination to reach, you can enjoy each moment. Not only the “end game” of the orgasm. If you spend more time in the pleasure zone and touching, that is what the healing and benefit come from anyway!

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS

Buying into the widespread belief that passion declines as the relationship ages is simply settling for less than you truly deserve. There are many long-term committed couples who still experience the desire for each other and keep the fire alive after many years together.

Expect more of yourself. Approach your lover with curiosity and new eyes, and you’ll be surprised at what happens. It can make a huge difference.

And remember, try anything at least once. And if you like it… do it again.