Do This When You Don’t Have Chemistry Anymore

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 159. And it’s titled, do this when you don’t have chemistry anymore. Okay, so today we’re going to talk about a subject that comes up frequently, when we work with couples, what tends to happen is one person in the couple is not happy with the way the relationship is going.

Kevin Anthony 0:53
They convinced the other one to come work with us. But when talking with them, it’s usually one or the other that usually says something like, we just don’t have chemistry anymore.

Céline Remy 1:05
I’m not attracted to him or to her. I don’t feel that spark.

Kevin Anthony 1:09
Exactly. It comes up so often that we figured we need to do a show on this.

Céline Remy 1:17
We’re also going to talk about chemistry when you’re dating. We look at both aspects and chemistry and relationship and long term relationship and also chemistry when you’re dating and you’re like I just don’t feel it. Like, when is it time to net continue? What does chemistry in real chemistry look like? Is the chemistry you think is real chemistry really, we are going to break it down for you to make it easy, and hopefully help you create more fulfilling relationships.

Céline Remy 1:45
But before we do that, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skills, there is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 2:09
Okay, so we need to start way back at the beginning here with this conversation. And we need to start with What does chemistry means? And there’s actually you know, some people going, Oh, yeah, I know what that means. And you might and you might not, but there’s actually it can mean several different things. So we want to go over each one of those things.

Céline Remy 2:33
So according to relationship expert, Margo Cassuto, romantic mysteries and effortless attraction between two people can feel magnetic and addictive. It’s to blame for many second dates, it can come in the form of a physical, emotional, or even intellectual bond. Scientists believe that chemistry is a result of the chemical in your brain determining compatibility.

Kevin Anthony 2:57
Oh, okay. So yeah, that’s where we need to go first. So another term that’s often used for chemistry is the honeymoon period. Right, which is that you know, depending on who you say, a year, year and a half, maybe up to two years, and then everyone’s has everything changed after that, right, the honeymoon period was over. So what do we really mean by the honeymoon period?

Kevin Anthony 3:26
So according to Beverly keys, Taylor, she calls it the hormone honeymoon. And basically, she describes it really simply, john gray goes into much more detail about this. We even talked a little bit about it in our interview with john gray. So if you have not listened to that one, you should go back and listen to it fantastic, so much good information in there.

Kevin Anthony 3:48
But really gives it to us a little bit simpler. She says his testosterone, in the beginning, the man’s hormones are high with the thrill of the chase, and the attempt to win her over. This raises his testosterone level and makes him feel a sense of strength and confidence. He will be more energetic and more affectionate and or attentive. He may also feel attracted to her when his testosterone is not low.

Kevin Anthony 4:14
Her oxytocin during the honeymoon, the women’s hormones are high as she feels protected, provided for, and love this raises her oxytocin level and makes her feel more affectionate. She may also experience more energy joy and be more carefree. She may also feel more attracted to her new partner, while her oxytocin level is not low. So what is this really saying, right?

Kevin Anthony 4:39
Basically what this is saying is, is that when we get into a new relationship with somebody, our hormones go off the charts. Basically, it’s our testosterone as guys go through the roof, her oxytocin as a woman goes through the roof, and that’s what most people refer to as chemistry. Why? Because it’s literally chemistry. It’s literally hormones being released in your body. So

Céline Remy 5:07
it’s important to remember that chemistry does not always equal love. And this is a really big distinction because what you call chemistry is this hormonal shower happening in your body. And for some people, they have a determined idea about what it should look like, feel like. And if it does not equal the idea in their head, then they’re thinking, then this can be yet.

Céline Remy 5:35
And sometimes you’ve got to be more open-minded about how things show up in life show up at certain moments in life where certain partner, and it’s not just what you thought it should look like. So let’s look a little bit more about what else is called chemistry because that might be where you might be stuck.

Kevin Anthony 5:59
Okay, so this is a fascinating discussion. And honestly, I wasn’t thinking about this when we were writing this episode until I saw you write this down. And I thought, of course, why didn’t I think of that? So I’m so glad that you put this on the list. It’s called false attraction. And you may or may not remember, if you’ve been a longtime listener of this show, you may have heard the interview we did with Larry Michael, from the for answers.com.

Kevin Anthony 6:29
It goes pretty far back in the love lab podcast. But one of the things that he talks about a lot is something he calls false attraction. So what does that mean Really? Well, it says what people consider chemistry at the beginning of a relationship is simply familiarity with an energy pattern that usually doesn’t serve them. What does that mean exactly? Well, when it comes to the four answers, and Mr. Michael, what he would say is this.

Kevin Anthony 7:01
We tend to be attracted to opposite partners who have similar energy or pattern to our opposite, gendered parrot, right. So in other words, if you’re a guy, you tend to be attracted to women that act in a similar manner as your mother. And if you’re a woman, you tend to be attracted to men that act in a similar way as your father. But here’s the thing.

Kevin Anthony 7:27
You do that because it’s familiar to you, you’re number one, and this is true, whether you’re male or female, your number one female role model in life, for a significant portion of your development is your mother. And your number one male role model in your life, for a significant portion of your development, is your father. And so you tend to associate this is what a man is, this is what a woman is based on what you’ve learned as a child.

Kevin Anthony 7:56
And, you know, a lot of this really is just straight-up psychology, like you can go read this in psychology books, they talk about it, they might use different terms, they might not use the words false traction, all but they’ll talk about this imprinting of your primary parental figures a lot. So here’s the problem, though, with the false attraction. Don’t worry, I’ll let you take him in I know talking a lot. But here’s the problem with that, which is that, yes, you are used to a particular pattern.

Kevin Anthony 8:30
But that pattern may not actually be compatible with you. Just because that person happens to be your mother or happens to be your father doesn’t mean that you’re actually compatible to be in an intimate relationship together, right? So the patterns that your father manifested, that you think are that’s what a male is, aren’t necessarily compatible with you. One, they might not even be healthy male patterns. They’re probably words.

Kevin Anthony 8:58
But that doesn’t mean that it’s a, it’s a compatible pattern with who you are. So what we’re saying is with this false attraction is, if you tend to pick people that feel comfortable and familiar, because that’s what you know, from being brought up, you know, in those formative years, when you’re forming your construct of the world as a young child, that might not be actual chemistry or compatibility.

Céline Remy 9:26
So the key here is if you’ve noticed that you keep attracting people that are not right for you, and your relationships get for failing, then what you feel attracted to is probably not who is good for you. So you got to start shifting, in terms of where you’re like, oh, I feel this attraction. This attraction might not be that real chemistry and you may want to start to explore with somebody where you have less of that at first.

Céline Remy 9:51
And don’t worry, we’re going to give you tools on how to build that chemistry too. But if you do that, then you can start to create a new relationship. The thing is If you are comfortable, and if it feels easy, you’re not getting out of your comfort zone. And if your goal is to create a different result, you have to have different actions.

Kevin Anthony 10:09
Yeah, absolutely. So that’s the thing, if you’re noticing these patterns, do something different, even if it feels uncomfortable because otherwise, you’re just going to repeat the same pattern over and over and over again.

Céline Remy 10:22
Absolutely. So should we talk about

Kevin Anthony 10:26
let’s talk about why people lose chemistry first.

Céline Remy 10:29
Okay. All right, that sounds like a good thing. So let’s say you’ve been in a relationship for a while, and you are using the excuse that, well, we don’t have chemistry or I’m not attracted, or he’s telling you he’s not attracted. She’s telling you whatever scenario that is. And we’ve got six reasons here.

Céline Remy 10:47
And they’re not the end fits all. And that’s the only ones but these are the more common ones. And that led you to this road that you are on. So number one is you don’t prioritize intimacy. And with intimacy, it is, you know, having sex being intimate, touching each other. It’s not just a sex act, but it is part of it. But it’s everything that comes with it.

Kevin Anthony 11:15
Yeah, absolutely. Number two, you are holding yourself back. So that can mean several different things. But basically, you’re not really being who you are. And you’re not being authentically who you are. And when you’re not being authentically who you are. Even if it’s subconscious, the other person can feel it. They can absolutely feel it.

Céline Remy 11:42
Yeah. I mean, what makes somebody attractive is when they are radiant, being themself and just, yeah, radiating that that energy of feeling like they are just in touch with themselves. And so when you aren’t genuinely yourself, and you hold yourself back, your light is not going to shine.

Kevin Anthony 12:01
Yeah, you know, when you’re, if you’re kind of putting on a front pretending to be somebody else that you’re not you’ll lack certain things, and you know, you’ll lack confidence, you’ll lack drive, you’ll lack decision making, right? Because you’re always worried about, well, what does she think? or What does he think or what if?

Kevin Anthony 12:23
you know, whereas when you’re really authentically yourself, you’re just like, boom, Alright, here’s what I want, here’s how I’m going to get it. Here’s what I’m doing right. And that is always attractive to either sex.

Céline Remy 12:36
Reason number three, why you lost the chemistry is you don’t have enough quality time apart. This is a big one. Because Ivor, you stuck in spending a lot of time together. And you don’t have those moments when you can recharge or you’re spending so much time apart that you are literally to a stranger, but the time you’re spending is also not quality time this is about whatever recharges you whatever fields you up so that you can come back to your relationship feeling more full.

Kevin Anthony 13:07
Yeah, yeah, that you know that. I think in today’s day and age, most people probably have the opposite problem, which is they’re not spending enough quality time because they’re too busy, too busy with their jobs too busy with the kids who are too busy with just life and stuff that has to happen. So if that sounds like you, you have to prioritize time together.

Kevin Anthony 13:30
But some people actually spent a lot of time together. And so it’s important actually to take a little time apart, that’s healthy. So it’s a healthy relationship. The man has some guy friends and the woman has some girlfriends and they will go out and do things from time to time. That is a healthy balance in any relationship.

Céline Remy 13:55
Reason number four, why you lost the chemistry is you think that it’s normal that it goes downhill.

Kevin Anthony 13:59
Ah huh. How many times have we heard this one? Well, that’s just the way it is. That’s just No. Well, we’ve been we have been together 10 years now. So I guess that’s normal. hear it all the time? No, it is not normal. It’s not. And I know some people say, Well, you guys haven’t been together for 20 years. So bla bla bla bla bla, you don’t know. Okay.

Kevin Anthony 14:28
Yes, we have not been together for 20 years. However, we have talked to a lot of couples who have been together for 20 years, 30 years, sometimes even more than that. I can tell you that in a good healthy relationship. It doesn’t have to go downhill. Again. I’m going to reference the podcast we did with john gray a few episodes back. Go listen to that. If you think going downhill is normal. is not, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Céline Remy 15:04
Let’s talk about our point number five here about why you lost the key mysteries, you stopped growing and evolving. And it might sound counterintuitive, but really, there are two ways that life goes you’ll ever be growing, are you dying. And if you’re not focusing on evolving on changing on growing, and you’re trying to keep things in the same, they become stale.

Céline Remy 15:26
So it’s important to focus on growth on changes without being so caught up in it, right, there is a balance here, but you’ve got to integrate that concept.

Kevin Anthony 15:38
Yeah, you know, the challenge with this is people start to get scared in relationships when their partner starts to grow and evolve.

Céline Remy 15:49
What if I’m not included? Well, I won’t like them.

Kevin Anthony 15:52
Yeah, the fear is, is that they’re going to grow and evolve out of the relationship, and then you’re going to lose that person. So I’ve actually seen in relationships where one partner tries to literally hold the other one back out of fear that this growth is going to somehow be harmful to the relationship. What they never seem to realize, though, is that the process of trying to hold it back and keep somebody in the same spot all the time, is actually what kills the relationship.

Kevin Anthony 16:22
And in any healthy relationship, I don’t care what kind of relationship it is, in any healthy relationship, you will not only support, but you will encourage your partner to continue to grow and evolve. Now, you should also be growing and evolving yourself. And, you know, I want to caution you to so if you’re both growing and evolving, I want to caution you to realize that this isn’t a linear process. And not everybody grows and evolves at the same speed, or even in the same direction.

Kevin Anthony 16:58
So if you’re watching the video here on YouTube, we can use my hands to explain this a little bit. This is how I used to describe it. I came up with this, you know, 10 years ago or so when I was in a relationship, and we were both doing a lot of deep personal work. But one of the things I was noticing was that we were taking different paths. So for me, like I was reading a lot of books. And for her, she really likes to go to events like seminars and teachings and things like that.

Kevin Anthony 17:29
And so we were working sort of differently. But we were both eventually making it to the same destination. So so using my hands here, what I was sort of demonstrating, or what I’m going to demonstrate now is that like, you know, the process is kind of like this, it’s kind of, you know, we’re both moving in the same direction. But sometimes we’re moving out here, sometimes we’re up, sometimes we’re down, we’re kind of moving all around.

Kevin Anthony 17:55
But eventually, we’re kind of we’re on the same path in the same direction. And that’s all that’s really important. What a lot of people tend to get sort of upset about is like, oh, they’re, they’re growing faster than I am, I can’t keep up or I’m growing faster than she is or I want to go in this direction and they want to go in that direction. As long as your long-term goals are still in alignment, it doesn’t really matter if you’re on the exact same path. All that matters is that you’re both free to grow and evolve.

Céline Remy 18:32
Let’s talk about our reason number six, it’s that you’ve lost the polarity. So if you are familiar with the love lab, you know that we talk about polarity a lot It is the foundation and basis of a really highly functioning relationship. And we’ve done a whole Episode Episode 100 It was a long episode and it was kind of like our gift to our listeners where we wanted to pour everything about this concept in our show.

Céline Remy 19:02
So if you want to learn more about polarity go to that particular episode because it was so good. And if you don’t know yet what polarity is, it’s about being on the opposite side of this, this Magda spectrum being in your feminine and in your masculine and both of you attract each other. It’s not always based on your gender.

Céline Remy 19:22
While most of the time whoever is in the women will tend to be more comfortable in the feminine but it has happened and we see it a lot that it’s reversed in couple what’s important is that you are both true to your nature and that there is a strong masculine and strong feminine.

Kevin Anthony 19:39
Yeah, so I’ve been noticing in the last few months that this issue of polarity has been blowing up all across social media. And it actually I’m gonna say this in mean it as far as the pun goes, but it’s really been polarizing people. Seriously, you Have people on social media who are absolutely polarities, everything, everything, and they’re very set in their ways on how you achieve that polarity.

Kevin Anthony 20:12
And then you have the other side that thinks polarity is complete nonsense, and there’s no value to it whatsoever. And they have been fighting like cats and dogs on social media for months now. I don’t really care what side of the spectrum you fall on. Because I’ve been doing this work not only the personal work, not only my own relationship work but also working with people in this field for a long enough time now, that I can absolutely tell you polarity is real, it is real, it is a thing.

Kevin Anthony 20:48
And it is something you should be aware of, and something that you should cultivate. So you know, whatever side you fall on, you’re not going to change my mind, because I have personally experienced this in both positive and negative ways. I have seen it I have worked with it, I have talked to top experts in the world on this topic. And I can tell you, it is a thing.

Céline Remy 21:12
So next, we’re going to move to a how-to inspire chemistry, new relationship and when to know when you should get out wherever you’re starting to date, or it’s a long term relationship.

Céline Remy 21:23
But before we get to these juicy parts, we have a little invitation for your dear listener, if you are a couple who is stuck in a rut and just going for the daily motions instead of connecting the way you’re used to. You’re tired of stale, mechanical sex that lacks spontaneity and fun and you don’t want to live a life of average, then Kevin and I would like to invite you to join our highly sexed power couple Platinum program.

Céline Remy 21:48
If you give us 90 days, we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. For more information on this absolutely amazing program, go to kevinandceline.com/passion

Kevin Anthony 22:06
You know, one big piece of that program is literally helping you with this idea of chemistry. So one of the things that Celine and I say all the time, is that you don’t just have chemistry, you create chemistry,

Céline Remy 22:22
you don’t have to be in the mood, you can create the mood, and it’s all learned habits. So let’s talk about how to inspire chemistry in your relationship. Because I think a lot of people are like, Yes, I don’t know what to do. So I want to talk about the first concept, which is probably going to make some people cringe a little bit because we’re going to talk about masculine and hero and feminine and blah, blah, blah. And people are like, Oh, it’s traditional roles.

Céline Remy 22:52
But you got to move beyond that and listen to the deep concept underneath that the concept is the concept of the hero instinct. And when you understand the hero instinct, basically every man wants to serve a greater purpose and himself that he wants to serve something bigger. So you need to know like, what does your partner want in the relationship?

Céline Remy 23:16
The role of a woman often in a relationship is to inspire a man to be in his greatness to achieve that. And so how do you do that as a woman is you inspire that hero instinct, you make him feel like a hero like he’s winning in the relationship?

Kevin Anthony 23:36
Oh, I can hear the feminists screaming at us right now are so angry at what you just said I guarantee we are going to get feedback on this. Okay, a couple of things. First of all, we are talking in generalities, right so understand that. Also, understand that when we talk about polarity, and I hate that I have to say this every single time this subject comes up but if we don’t we’ll just get hate from people. masculine and feminine polarities.

Kevin Anthony 24:07
Our energies are not necessarily tied to our physical gender, they tend to be but they are not always we have seen hundreds of relationships that have reverse polarity, where the man tends to be on the more feminine receiving end and the woman tends to be on the more masculine take charge. And we see same-sex couples all the time, where one of them tends to be one and one of them tends to be the other like we get it. Okay, so before you start furiously typing on your keyboard, we get it.

Kevin Anthony 24:40
Okay. Having said that, these are some generalities that tend to be true. So, it is true that as a man, we do want to serve a greater purpose. And I’m telling you, a man that is in a relationship with a woman who truly appreciates and loves and supports him to be the best he can want to serve her, he does. And if he doesn’t, it’s because he’s not feeling supported enough in his relationship. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 25:14
And when he feels supported, he wants to give to her, and when he wants to give to her, then she feels seen. And when she feels seen, she wants to give to him and when they both radiating and when you’re radiating, there’s again that spark that chemistry. So you got to look at the root of your relationship. If you want to inspire it, you’ve got to restart with what drives that connection.

Céline Remy 25:37
And understanding that concept of the polarity understanding, bringing in the best in each other in ways that feel natural, so activating his hero instinct, and then giving in for her giving her that, like everything she wants and needs because of his ability to be her hero.

Kevin Anthony 25:58
Ya know, just because the woman tends to want to inspire him to be the hero does not

Céline Remy 26:09
mean she can do hearing herself exactly

Kevin Anthony 26:12
in any way mean that she can’t also be a hero. I think you’re a hero. Absolutely. It’s

Céline Remy 26:20
about being a king and queen. And yeah, just because you make your king, your man your king doesn’t mean you can be the queen, it’s quite the opposite to if you want to have this perfect relationship, you both need to see each other like royalty.

Kevin Anthony 26:33
Yeah, and you have to understand like, okay, when we’re talking about king and queen, most people assume, well, the king is really in charge. And the queen just happens to be, you know, his wife who pops out the princes and princesses. Trust me to go research your history. This is not true at all. If you think that the woman doesn’t have any impact on the decisions he’s making, whether or not he’s technically in charge, you’re completely full of shit.

Kevin Anthony 27:05
I mean, you know that during the Obama administration, everybody was talking about how amazing Michelle Obama was and how she was influencing Brock. Right? That’s true in any good relationship. Right? Any good relationship? You know, even if it appears that he’s the one calling the shots, trust me, those shots were determined from this connection right here. And you know, there’s that famous saying, behind every great man, there’s a great woman, where does that

Céline Remy 27:36
great woman on her knees sucking his cock?

Kevin Anthony 27:39
Well, if he’s lucky, but that’s saying comes from the fact that he’s not arriving at that greatness on his own.

Céline Remy 27:47
Absolutely. Let’s talk about a second step that you can take to inspire more chemistry in your relationship, connect more on a nonverbal level. So that means with eye contact with lingering touches with little kisses, you’ve got to find a balance, because if you’re constantly hugging and touching, then you can have too much oxytocin and bonding, and you fall into this like buddy category and best friends.

Céline Remy 28:12
So you got to make the touch still sensual. And, you know, that’s why I said lingering tart. And just like, having an intention, that is more than just like, I’m patting you, because like, you’re a good dog, right?

Kevin Anthony 28:27
Yeah, and this is, you know, this one. And some of the others that we’ll talk about next are ways to cultivate intimacy. And you heard our ad at the beginning of the show for power and mastery, we do it pretty much every show. But in our sexual mastery course, we have whole modules on how to create intimacy, before sex, during sex, and after sex.

Kevin Anthony 28:53
And this is you may have heard us on the sex life TV show, I believe we said this also, which is you don’t have to wait for the right moment. You create the right moment. You don’t have to wait to be in the mood, you create the mood, right? And it’s the same thing with this chemistry. You know, you’re out we did and we just don’t have it must move on and find somebody else that we have it with. No, you can create

Céline Remy 29:17
what do you need to realize too, is that if you’ve lost that, it’s due to your poor habits. And then you wherever you go, there you are. So you might change partner. And at first, you’ll have chemistry, you’re going to do the same thing you’ve done before. And you’re going to end up exactly where you are.

Kevin Anthony 29:30
Yeah. But the problem is, you end up there a year or two later after you’ve invested in a whole new relationship, only to find out that you’re not happy. And then you move on again. Right, exactly. That’s where you get this serial monogamy. Oh, you know, just, you know, a couple of years here a couple years. Trust me. I have been there and done that I understand this cycle.

Céline Remy 29:54
Step number three is to learn to communicate and listen. And so communication is not so much about talking, talking, talking but communicating about the deep things about your feelings, and listening because it’s about anything I want to tie this step with the next one, which is about being authentic and genuine and sharing of yourself.

Céline Remy 30:16
And so with the communication that’s more than parts that we’re talking about, it’s not so much about the day-to-day like did you get to bring the kids to dance class and this thing like that. It’s more about like, you know, like, what may bring you joy in life? What makes you feel alive?

Céline Remy 30:33
How can you as a relationship make the world a better place, because you’re together are sharing some of your own fear or some of your own dreams? And that creates that connection? Absolutely. It’s

Kevin Anthony 30:45
about going deeper. Really? Yeah, got to go deeper. All right, the next one on the list is laugh together.

Céline Remy 30:55
Um, laughter is so good. You gotta give it a try. You know, people don’t laugh enough. And it’s a good day when you start with laughter.

Kevin Anthony 31:03
Sometimes Celine makes it her goal to see how many times in one day she can make me laugh, she’ll say, I think I’ve made you laugh like 10 times already today. Absolutely.

Céline Remy 31:15
Our next step is to try new things. We talk about that a lot on this show that creativity and sexuality, go hand in hand and the sparks get activated. When you do new things, it doesn’t have to just be in the bedroom, it could be anything from a cooking class dance lesson, different routes that you go to your work, to parting your her in the other direction, like whatever that is, even like eat with you ever hand You know, like trying new things. It will spark just new pathways in your brain.

Kevin Anthony 31:50
Absolutely. This is it goes back to basics, you know, if what you’re doing isn’t working, try something else. It really is that simple. If you’re experiencing a lack of chemistry in your relationship, then you got to try to do something different than you’ve never done before.

Kevin Anthony 32:07
You know, maybe bringing her flowers, you know, once a week or once a month, or however often you do it. Maybe that used to work and maybe he’s now and she’s just kind of like, thanks, you know, like, not, so that’s not really doing anymore, do something different, figure out something different that you can do.

Céline Remy 32:26
And last but not least develop your masculine and feminine traits. So we back to that polarity.

Kevin Anthony 32:32
Here we go again. So there are, there are traits of each energy that are attractive to the opposite energy. So you want to develop those things. So I’ll give you a classic example of that. And this one comes up a lot. We talk about it all the time. It’s women being attracted to the bad boy. Right? How many times have you seen this? They’re always attracted to the bad boy, this is why they always love those characters, right? Like the sort of James Dean character, or was that vampire movie series Twilight, right?

Kevin Anthony 33:13
where he’s kind of like the bad boy, you know, vampire, whatever. So why is it that women tend to be attracted to the bad boy? Well, because the bad boy has some traits, okay? The Bad Boy knows what he wants. The bad boy doesn’t give a fuck what anybody thinks. The bad boy goes after what he wants, whether it’s the good girl or anything else, right? The Bad Boy lives life on his own terms. And that is what is attractive to the woman.

Kevin Anthony 33:44
So she thinks that she wants the bad boy because she’s attracted to those traits. However, the bad boy tends to come with some other traits that are generally not so good. Like, he’s an asshole, he doesn’t treat her well. He’s not committed to the relationship, he cheats on her yada, yada, yada, right? So there are all these other things that come with it. She thinks I want that bad boy type to know, what she wants is some of the traits that he possesses.

Kevin Anthony 34:10
And that’s just one example. You know, there, we could give examples from the feminine side to the point here is that there are certain traits that are attractive to the opposite sex slash energy. And so if you are lacking chemistry in your relationship, you want to try to develop some of those traits. So here’s one of the things that I’ll tell male clients that I’m working with when they come to me with is my wife says that she’s just not attracted to me anymore, that we just don’t have chemistry. Okay, so then we start talking about it.

Kevin Anthony 34:45
Well, let’s talk about you for a minute here. Not so much here. Let’s talk about you. Who are you? How do you operate in this world? Well, they tend to be wishy-washy. They don’t make decisions. They don’t ask for what they want. They don’t go And as they say, fuck life, doing a lot of promos for previous shows that we’ve done.

Kevin Anthony 35:08
But we recently also did an episode with Christopher lovestone. Right? And he’s got the book-conscious cock Well, in that book, he uses the term fuck life go out there and fuck life. What do we mean by that? Right?

Kevin Anthony 35:23
We don’t mean like our fuck it like, whatever, just fuck it, you know? No, that’s not what we mean. What we mean is you go out and you take the bull by the horns, don’t fuck the bull. But you go out and you make life happen, right? So when he says, you go out and fuck life, you think about taking that energy, that sexual energy and you put it into everything in life, if you make music, use that energy to make music you make any sort of art your business, you put that energy into it, right?

Kevin Anthony 35:51
That’s what we mean by going out and fucking life. That is a trait that is very, very attractive to women. And so that that’s one place that will start when I’m working with the guys like, Who are you? How do you operate in life? And how can we get you to do more of the things that she looks at? and goes, Oh, Oh, that’s right.

Céline Remy 36:14
So basically, what it boils down to is how much you know yourself. Because when you know who you are, you know exactly what you want from life and your relationship, it’s easier to determine whether something is workable or not, right. And you also tend to attract equally minded and confident people. And when you’re both on the same page, increasing the attraction and chemistry can be a whole lot easier.

Céline Remy 36:39
So yes, chemistry can be developed in both people if both people are open to it, not just you, but your potential partner too. So let’s just quickly talk before the end of the show about when to move on. If you’re like, Okay, here’s the thing, if you merely tolerating someone rather than joining their company, it’s a definite sign that things are not working out and probably won’t.

Céline Remy 37:07
But chemistry can take time to develop. So if you are just dating somebody, and you’re like, I didn’t get the butterflies on my first date, you know, give it a chance, especially if you keep failing in a relationship, like go with the people that are less, right away with that spark and see if it can be developed over time. Because if you have the right tools, you can make it happen.

Céline Remy 37:29
If you don’t have enough common commonalities, or you don’t vibe, maybe you’re not meant to be together, but don’t just judge it after that first date like that. Right. And, and, you know, most first dates tend to be a little bit too far. So you trying to make it to be loved and stuff like that. So don’t just put all of your eggs in that same basket. But, you know, if you’ve done the kissing the touch.

Céline Remy 37:58
You’ve spent time with the person you’ve opened up, and he’s still not feeling it that then it’s time to accept that well, you’re not meant to be or it’s not the right partnership. But don’t just dismiss it from the start or don’t just think, Oh, it’s gone. They will never come back because chemistry can be created.

Kevin Anthony 38:16
Absolutely. If you took away nothing else from this show. Hopefully, you took away that. Alright, everybody, that’s all the time we have for this episode, and we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 38:34
We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast.

Céline Remy 38:37
If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends. And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinandceline.com/vault Thanks for listening. And remember you are amazing