Last Updated on August 21, 2020

Have you ever wondered why some relationships are successful and happy while others seem always to struggle?

Do you think it’s all about being lucky? Or maybe it comes down to compromise?

Here’s the thing, to have a thriving relationship you don’t have to lose your autonomy or freedom.

You don’t even have to work on your relationship, because that’s not the place for it. You work on your business, you work on your goals, and you give your relationship attention and appreciation.

It’s easier for most people to appreciate the things in our life than it is to enjoy the people in our hearts.

We do feel gratitude for the people around us, but most often we express the problems.

The primary reason for relationships failing is a lack of appreciation.

It is that simple.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 35 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: WHAT TO DO IF YOUR PARTNER WANTS LESS SEX THAN YOU?

Successful Couples Enjoy Each Other

Make it a habit to share with your partner what you appreciate about them. It will increase the quality of your life and their life. A little dose of appreciation goes a long way.

Everyone appreciates being seen and likes to be recognized. We grow faster from pleasure than we do from pain. When you tell your beloved how much you love him/her, they reflect that back at you.

You then create this energy loop, where you are more passionate about life and have more energy for it. It’s contagious.

Being positive is the secret to deepening your intimacy and the quality of your connection. Plus, it helps with your self-esteem; you feel better about yourself and treat others with more kindness.

You bring each other joy and can perceive beauty in everything.

How to Give Meaningful, Effective Appreciation:

1 — Judgment vs. Appreciation

Anytime you make a judgment (“you are…” beautiful, hot, sexy, cute) people can’t trust it!

Genuine appreciation is about YOUR observation and YOUR feelings.

Instead of saying “you have beautiful eyes,” try “I love how your shirt makes the blue in your eyes pop.”

2 — Fixing vs. Accepting

It is not your responsibility to change or fix someone or make them better.

So don’t just say something because you think that’s what they want to hear, but it’s not really what you want to say. 

Or worse, use appreciation to manipulate them into doing something you want. 

Sincere appreciation is about seeing yourself more clearly about how you feel when you are around that person, without trying to change anything. 

Say something like: ” I feel so safe when I am around you,” or ” I love being with you; it makes my life easier and more beautiful.”

3 — The Formula: Observation + Feeling + Specific Details

Comment on something you observed, and describe how it makes you feel with as many details, honesty, and subtlety as you can.

Appreciation is YOUR practice, YOUR path — not someone else.

The path of appreciation is the secret of successful relationships. 

The 40/60 Rule

Most people think that when it comes to relationships, it should always be equal, 50/50. The secret of successful relationships is to give more than you take.

If you always strive to give 60% and take 40%, then you are guaranteed happiness. And guess what? That goes for both of you.

So be positive and make your day begin and end with gratitude.