It’s Time To Bring Romance Back

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single, or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 188. And it’s titled, it’s time to bring Romance Back, huh? I wonder who wrote that title? No. No, this is gonna be an interesting episode, we don’t really talk very often about romance, per se. But it is actually an important component of any relationship.

Kevin Anthony 0:54
And when you hear some of the stats, you’ll understand why it is so important. So for all you guys listening, who are now rolling your eyes going, Romans, I hate this shit, like, Ah, why does it have to be so difficult? Trust us one, it’s not that difficult. And two, it’s really important for the success and health of your relationships.

Kevin Anthony 1:16
So you really should listen to this, because you’re going to learn how to do it, we’re going to make it easy for you. And we’re going to clue you in as to why you would want to do it.

Céline Remy 1:27
But before we get started into this juicy subject, but because yes, I am the one who initiated this, this show from a conversation Kevin and I were having I was like we need to talk more about romance that has to happen. But before we get there, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsors’ power and mastery.

Céline Remy 1:44
So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power in mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skills, there is something for you at power and mastery.com. Right, so some good stats. Let’s,

Kevin Anthony 2:10
before we dive into the stats, I just want to say the stats are meant to illustrate a point. So you know, the question comes up like, Okay, do I really need to do this romance thing? Because like, a lot of guys really feel like this is difficult. And this is work. And then the question is, Do I really need to do this?

Céline Remy 2:30
And maybe some women who are like, Hey, I don’t need romance? I don’t need it. Whatever I can go without it.

Kevin Anthony 2:39
But should you? Yeah, there are definitely some women, especially in today’s modern world that feel that way. But yeah, then the question is, is, if you had it, would you still feel the same way? Because a lot of times, it’s just that women are like, I don’t need it. I don’t need it, because they don’t have it. So they’re convincing themselves that they don’t need it.

Céline Remy 2:58
It’s a good question. So the stats we found are a little bit older, they are from 2016. And these were the latest, we could find that in that search. So I’m sure things have shifted a little bit, but they still gave us a good idea about number one who is the readers of romance? Well, guess what? 84% of women? Ooh, shocking. Okay, we didn’t have thought about that.

Kevin Anthony 3:26
So So what this is saying is obviously that the majority, the overwhelming majority of people who read romance-type stuff, are women. Okay, that we could have guessed that. But here’s the interesting part. Read the next stat.

Céline Remy 3:40
Yeah, 29% of all fiction, like all fiction combined is romance.

Kevin Anthony 3:48
So a third, so just under a third of all fiction is romance. So the thing is, 84% doesn’t mean that much. If you know the romance, you know, the percentage is like 2%, you’re like, Okay, 84% of 2%. Right, whatever, you know. But when you realize that a third of all fiction read is romance. And that 84% of the readers of that are women. It clearly demonstrates that women want romance. This is why it’s so successful because it’s what women crave.

Céline Remy 4:28
Yes. But it leads to my other question, how about men? Do they want to be romanced? Now? You’re in the spotlight, Kevin because you’re the man in this show. So

Kevin Anthony 4:42
that actually was a really good question. And when you put that on the list, I really had to think about it. I’m like, huh, because you know, the default reaction is no men don’t really care. I mean, let’s be honest. But that’s not actually true. It’s just that the kind of romance that we want is different. So if you look at like, what does the average romance novel talk about? Right?

Kevin Anthony 5:05
It’s like, it’s all the usual stuff, the man sweeping her off her feet, and you know, like, the flowery stuff. And yeah, he’s got it, we don’t, we don’t care about any of that. We don’t want any of that kind of stuff. But we do want other things that are maybe a little bit different, like, you know, we want her to see us for who we are, and appreciate us for what we do bring to it.

Kevin Anthony 5:31
So if let’s just say we are sweeping her off her feet, and doing those romantic gestures, what we would like back is acknowledgment and appreciation of that. Right. So, you know, when we’re talking about romance, I mean, we could be talking about the courtship of a relationship, or we could be talking about an established relationship as well.

Kevin Anthony 5:50
And the reality is, is that while we may not be looking for you to bring us flowers, like our idea of romance that would, you know, be done from a woman back towards us would be like, I mentioned your favorite meal, you know, so it’s just different. It’s not, it’s not what we typically associate with being romantic. But it is to us as men.

Céline Remy 6:14
Yeah. And really, what you’re talking about is to be seen and to be appreciated. And, ultimately, we’ll break it down and narrow bets in the show. That’s really what romance is all about. And it doesn’t have to just be all of the hallmark things that you’ve been told it has to be, and usually can’t just be that because every woman is unique and different.

Céline Remy 6:40
And now, we have a couple that we know. And it was a very interesting thing to witness and we wanted to share their story, as an illustration about is romance enough? Is being overly romantic, a good thing in a relationship, and where does it go? Okay, so

Kevin Anthony 7:03
this is, yeah, this is a good illustration because you can overdo it, you actually can overdo it. And the effectiveness of the romance depends significantly on whether or not there are other qualities present at the same time. So let’s set this story up a little bit. We have some friends that we shall not name their names. But he has a man was, I would say on the far extreme and of romance like,

Céline Remy 7:40
like little poems written and flower petals on the way from the garage to the bedroom. And

Kevin Anthony 7:48
not just on Valentine’s Day, we’re just talking about any regular old day, she might come home and find a series of notes that lead her around the house that says all these amazing things. And I know some women are listening to this going, Oh, my God, this is what I’ve always wanted. This is what I crave. But

Céline Remy 8:09
one thing we noticed is when she was telling a lot of the stories about all of his romantic gestures, she would use words about oh, that is so sweet or romantic. It’s amazing. But her face and body language was really saying something different. And I was like seeing it as not being fully congruent. Like I’m trying to convince myself that I’m really loving this.

Céline Remy 8:37
But I should be loving this because that’s what I thought I wanted. And now I’m getting it and it’s just not working the way I’ve thought the word but I should like it kind of energy. And it was fascinating because we called it that that relationship was not going to last like that there was something off in there. And it did happen that they made it to the five years mark, and then it was over.

Céline Remy 9:03
And the interesting lesson here is that he leaves you looking at everything he did. He did everything right. In terms of the right gifts, the little things, the attention, the being overly romantic and attentive. But that’s not really what she wanted and needed, and why she might have liked it. It wasn’t enough to sustain the relationship.

Kevin Anthony 9:27
Yeah, so this is an interesting area to write about because it brings us back to a subject that we talked about frequently, which is polarity. And part of the problem is is when you go too overboard into the romantic and you start to lose that polarity because it’s one of these weird sorts of paradoxes in life, right? Because the reality is is like oh, she wants you to be romantic. But in order to be romantic, you actually got to like Think like a woman.

Kevin Anthony 10:02
Because we honestly as guys, we don’t think like that we just don’t, you know. So in order for us to really get really into the deep end of creating romantic stuff, we’re going to think like a woman. Now for some men, that’s just impossible. But for other men is not as hard, but they’ll do it too much. So basically, he would spend too much time in his feminine side, not enough time in his masculine side, and therefore they were losing polarity.

Kevin Anthony 10:29
So if you ask them about their relationship, here are some things they would tell you. Oh, we’re best friends. We have so much fun together, we travel really well together. And like, I could go on and on and on. But what you’re hearing is friendzone. That’s absolutely what you’re hearing, they would never say that. They would never describe it as friendzone.

Kevin Anthony 10:55
Although they would say that they’re best friends. But basically, that’s what was going on. Yeah, they were great friends, and they aligned as friends. But they didn’t have the polarity in the relationship. And that’s why ultimately, over time, it wouldn’t last. And while we’re not saying that being super romantic is an absolute polarity killer. But you can go overboard. Yeah. And

Céline Remy 11:22
that was an interesting conversation we were having when I was saying, like, Hey, do I wish sometimes that you would be more romantic? And I’m thinking, well, sometimes I do. But to have really wanted all the time, because then you don’t appreciate it when it shows up, you know, and it’s like.

Céline Remy 11:40
It’s one of those things where sometimes as women we think, we want a man who is, so emotional and able to relate with us on that level. And I’ve had relationships like that. And the thing is, once you realize that you have it at first, like, oh, my gosh, this is amazing. I’m finally having a man who can like relate, and be with me with my feelings and be like, it’s like having a girlfriend. And then you’re like, This is not sexy? Can we reverse things a little bit?

Kevin Anthony 12:10
I have literally watched other women who were present when this particular woman was describing the romantic things that her partner would do. And I could see the look in their eyes was like, Oh, my god, that’s amazing. I want that. Nobody’s ever done that for me before. Like, they’re just all about it. But when you look at the person who’s actually receiving it, you get a very, very different message. You get a Yeah, it’s cool. You know,

Céline Remy 12:43
it was 50 times, but now I’m over it.

Kevin Anthony 12:46
Yeah, yeah, basically.

Céline Remy 12:50
And we will come back to that because every woman wants to be romanced differently, and maybe differently at different times as well. But before we get into that,

Kevin Anthony 13:01
now you’re just making it.

Céline Remy 13:04
I know, there are a couple of things that I wanted to bring number one I wanted to talk about, if you look at old movies versus newer movies, what I do see is that in older movies, you could still see the romance, you could still see the slowness of things, the paying attention to doing small little gestures to make her happy. In most newer movies, you are not seeing any of that portrayed.

Céline Remy 13:31
Sometimes you do see, okay, good to do this big gigantic explosion of romance and love. But let’s be real, not everyone can afford that. And not every woman likes that. As a matter of fact, a lot of women would prefer smaller gestures more often than one big gesture, every now and then.

Céline Remy 13:51
And so we don’t really have good role models or good inspirations anymore, because what we are being shown are like things that I think they focusing too much on, maybe over the sexed sex part, or the fact that we should all be equal, and there shouldn’t be any more trying. I don’t know exactly, but the message is not good.

Kevin Anthony 14:16
Here’s what I say. I really try to avoid watching these kinds of movies, because most of them are so bad. But here’s what I see when I look at modern movies today. The beginning is all about chemistry and attraction. So there’s almost no actual romance, it’s just straight-up chemistry and attraction. Then a little while down the road, there’s some sort of big problem.

Kevin Anthony 14:41
And then there’s a big romantic gesture to try to make up for the big problem that happened that that’s basically your recipe for a modern you know, rom-com, you know, romantic comedy type movie or almost any movie that’s made today. Now, if you contrast that, with the way movies used to be, and we got to go back pretty far now, further than a lot of people who are listening to this have been alive.

Kevin Anthony 15:10
But if we go back to older movies, one of the things that you notice is that half the movie will just be the man trying to romance the woman and convince her to go out with him. That’s true. It’s like, that’s like half the movie, you know, and then maybe she’ll finally go out, and then you know, like, the very end of the movie, they’ll end up getting married.

Kevin Anthony 15:35
But it’s interesting because I know you, Celine, you can talk a little bit about your experience on this, but I know you, in the past, were a huge fan of older movies. And since we’ve been together, you know, I’ve always liked older movies. And so I’ve kind of gotten you into watching some older movies, and you really started, like, you would watch them, and you would go, Oh, my God, what a difference. And you would see things in those movies that you wish existed today,

Céline Remy 16:02
that’s for sure. For sure, you have definitely changed my opinion. When it comes to older movies, I had a rule that I was not watching any movies older than me. And that has changed.

Kevin Anthony 16:14
But here’s the thing is, what changed is, you know, we’re used to the point of this episode isn’t to rant about movies, per se. But when we watch movies today, they’re lacking certain human characteristics that we crave as actual humans. And there was civility, there was chivalry there was a respect, there was a romance. There were all these characteristics that the characters embodied in those older movies that don’t exist anymore today.

Kevin Anthony 16:47
And you know, here’s the thing, don’t listen to what I’m saying here and think, Oh, you just want to roll time back to the 40s, and the patriarchy and this and that, like, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is, is that there are good qualities that existed back then, as well as some things were happy to leave behind in the past, right. But just because there were some things we were happy to leave in the past doesn’t mean we throw the baby out with the bathwater, right?

Kevin Anthony 17:16
So there are things that happen now in life in, in relationships in romance, and that gets reflected in the popular culture that is good. And we’re like, Yeah, that’s great. That’s a better way of being in the world today. But we’ve also lost a lot of the good things that we used to have.

Kevin Anthony 17:38
And so I guess what we’re sort of advocating for here is, hey, let’s take those beautiful ideas of the romance and the chivalry and the courtship and bring that into a modern-day relationship where, you know, women are on an equal footing with men. And, you know, it’s not this, this uneven sort of dynamic, right, like, you can actually have both in this case.

Céline Remy 18:05
Now, I’m going to talk about a point that a lot of women miss, which is that men are romantic, and their men are probably romantic. They’re just not always noticing how romantic he is. And this is interesting because we have an idea about the kind of romance we like as women what we want. And it’s very rare that the men we with has all of the understanding of that.

Céline Remy 18:33
And oftentimes, as Kevin mentioned, it seems a little bit challenging for men to come up with romantic ideas. But one thing that I’ve noticed is if you start to look at your man with the idea that he is being romantic, so you give it the benefit of the doubt, rather than looking at all the ways that he’s not being romantic, you start to look at, in what way is the romantic, you can start to notice that there are multiple things that he does, that could qualify as romantic.

Céline Remy 19:05
And so rather than being there complaining about all the things he’s not doing, because complaining is never going to bring you closer to get you to what you want, you can start to focus on what he does want. And you can appreciate him for what he does. And then you can also mention other things that you would love as well.

Kevin Anthony 19:25
Yeah, well, so let’s talk about what does that really means in real life? Right? So the reality is, is that we tend to give, quote, unquote, romance, the way that we would like to be romanced and it’s the same thing, right? Like people who give touch, they’ll message the other person in the same way. They want to be massaged, right like this, because we see the world basically through our own lens.

Kevin Anthony 19:47
And so we tend to give things in the way that we would want to receive them. It’s no different, you know, regardless of what we’re talking about, so when it comes to romance as men, how do we do things that are romantic, okay, we know that She wanted, I don’t know, a certain color accent wall painted, or she wanted this particular thing fixed or, you know, she likes it if the trash is taken out at a certain interval, you know, so that she doesn’t have to like little things like that as men, we love to do those little things for women on a day to day, but lots of little things into us.

Kevin Anthony 20:23
We’re like, we’re being so romantic. We’re giving her everything she wants, we’re doing all those things that she asked for, without her even having to ask like, to us, that’s romantic. And here’s the thing. Women are sitting there waiting to receive the things that they think are romantic, they’re waiting to get the flowers, the box of chocolates, the romantic poem, The Little Love Letters, the flower petals leading like, that’s what they’re waiting to receive.

Kevin Anthony 20:47
And because that’s what they’re looking for. They’re completely overlooking all the little things that he’s doing on a day-to-day basis, specifically, because he knows that she appreciates it, she loves it, and she wants it.

Céline Remy 21:02
So you just need to start to look at things differently. And be willing to accept that he is already being romantic. I acknowledge him for that, and then suggest new things for him to try. Because let’s be real man, what are happiness, those are anything, if you can share from a happy place that this is the things that make you happy. And this is what you love and stuff and you acknowledge all his efforts. Here want to do more

Kevin Anthony 21:29
happy wife happy life. No, but let’s not glance over that point. Because that really is true. Here’s another thing that goes really overlooked in just relationships in general. And that is, is that men do actually want to make their women happy. What happens though? Well, one, they might be too stressed out and overworked by life to really be able to do much about it.

Kevin Anthony 21:55
And two, they may not be doing the correct things, but they’re doing what they think is the correct thing. And sometimes it’s that they just don’t even know what to do. And so that’s why doing an episode like this can be so helpful and important, because we do have coming up a list of things that you can do a man to like, make it really easy. Like, here’s the romantic list, follow this outline, separate it with some time, you know, like don’t do it all at once, right?

Kevin Anthony 22:24
And then like, it’s, it kind of becomes a no-brainer. So the idea is that it doesn’t have to be difficult. It doesn’t have to be some big grand thing. It doesn’t even have to take a lot of effort and energy. It just takes you being aware that this is something that you need to do, and doing the little things.

Céline Remy 22:47
So that brings us to the question of like, can you really package romance and is romance all about things that you buy and gifts and hug and chocolates and stuff like that? And in my opinion, it’s not, I’m the type of woman who just doesn’t get very impressed by that,

Kevin Anthony 23:04
oh, you could package romance if and only if you had 4892 variations of that product. We are talking about women here and every woman is different and every woman is different from moment to moment. So no, you actually cannot package it. But you can make it simple enough that you can create your own package ad hoc. It’s like you know a menu where you get to pick ala carte, you know, I kind of pick this piece and this piece and this piece because that’s what my woman likes, and then you make your own package.

Céline Remy 23:43
Alright, so we are going to give you the how-tos on how to romance her. But before we do that, we’d like to invite you if you are listening to the Love Lab podcast, and you are in a committed relationship, but it feels like things are not the way that they used to be anymore. You feel a bit raw like stuck in a rut and just going through the daily motions instead of connecting.

Céline Remy 24:06
You might be tired of having stale mechanical sex that lacks spontaneity and fun and you don’t want to live a life of average. Then Kevin and I would like to invite you to join our highly sexed by we carboplatin core program. If you give us 90 days we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets, the romance as well. And this thing up sexually so that you can thrive with more passion and purpose in life.

Céline Remy 24:30
So go to kevinandceline.com/passion to learn more about our program. So we’ve got a formula on how to romance her. And then we’ve got ideas. What you need in order to have an exciting romance is number one, attraction. Number two, you add personalization, and number three is spontaneity and that makes for a very exciting romance.

Céline Remy 24:59
Attractive personalization and spontaneity like, yes, thanks. That’s not fully helping me. So what are we talking about with attraction? This is exactly what Kevin was mentioning what our friend and couple missed where he was getting a lot of the personalization and some spontaneity, but the attraction piece, he was not taking the time to build his own masculine side, to really create that polarity.

Céline Remy 25:26
And that attraction only happens when you are on different sides of the spectrum. Without that, and the closer you come to that neutral for both of you, the less you have that passion, and the more you have the heart connection, which is beautiful. But that’s not what you want in order to have a long-term relationship that still has passion.

Kevin Anthony 25:49
Yeah, and you know what the attraction to is, like, want to make a quick distinction about attraction in the beginning and attraction later on. Because the thing is, is like, oh, yeah, we got attraction. Well, attraction is easy in the beginning, right? Chemicals are flowing, you know, you’ve got all those, you know, we call it the honeymoon period, right? That is like a year and a half where those happy hormone chemicals are flowing everywhere. And the attraction is easy, it’s just easy.

Céline Remy 26:18
Well, I mean, it doesn’t bother you to go the extra mile, you know, like, oh, yeah, she wants this, or he wants that, let me do this, you know, it’s like, doesn’t matter that I’m tired or worn out, I want to please my partner, I want to make him or her happy,

Kevin Anthony 26:30
right. And so in the beginning, this is often a reason why the romance fades over time, right? It’s because, in the beginning, it’s easy, because you got all those chemicals pushing you and keeping it going. But what happens is over time, you know, two years, three years, four years, five years down the line, that attractions been gone for a while, and now you’re missing a key component of, you know, what it takes to create that romance and that attraction, that polarity.

Kevin Anthony 27:01
So, you know, don’t glance over the attraction part, even if you think you got it, because you’ve got to maintain it. Throughout the entire life of the relationship, there needs to be an attraction there. Like if you really want to have a healthy, thriving relationship for 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, 50 years, you know, until you die, whatever it is. There has to be some attraction there that entire time. Yeah. How do you do that? That? I mean, that’s a whole nother episode. But the point is, is that

Céline Remy 27:32
episode 100, we covered a lot of that, actually, yeah, we celebration that 100.

Kevin Anthony 27:39
So go back and listen to that one. But the point is, is don’t glance over the attraction part. Because a lot of times people think that’s the easy part. It’s only the easy part in the beginning. And then it takes some effort to make sure you maintain it throughout the life of the relationship. But

Céline Remy 27:52
I love that you brought that up because it also is absolutely possible to keep the attraction alive. And because there is this myth and idea that it goes downhill and that once it’s gone, it’s gone. It’s only gone if you don’t put attention to it. But if you want to keep it alive, and you put a little deposit into that attraction bank account, it stays there. Is it different?

Céline Remy 28:14
Yes. Are the butterflies still the same? No. Can you feel them from time to time, even after many years? Absolutely. And can you keep desire and attraction alive? Yes. Yes. And guess what? You both are aging. You both are changing. So

Kevin Anthony 28:30
me. Me that that picture I saw from the weekend where my beard was practically all white. That was not actually me. This is why you have committed to shaving more now. Yeah, I think somebody photoshopped that. That’s all

Céline Remy 28:45
it took to finally get you to shave more often. Yeah, I

Kevin Anthony 28:49
had to see just how I’m to swear it doesn’t look that white in the mirror or even ugly. I mean, yeah, there’s some way.

Céline Remy 28:59
Okay, let’s just be very upfront, because I know for all the men listening like, Oh, right. So how do I make that happen? Because it can be challenging. Let’s be real. Some women will hate it when a man buys a gift for her and think that it’s being romantic, while other women think it’s it’s absolutely romantic.

Kevin Anthony 29:18
But as we go through each one of these because you have a bunch of examples here of what some women like and some women don’t. I’m going to chime in what I think the majority of women like because, you know, basically we’re going to tell you, Oh, someone would like this and some don’t. And then you’re going to be going okay, what do I do that right? So

Céline Remy 29:35
I think those who like it are those whose primary love language is “gifts”. If it’s not your primary love language, it’s not going to be the thing.

Kevin Anthony 29:45
No, it’s not gonna be the thing. But even if it’s not your primary love language, every woman likes receiving stuff like spontaneous gifts,

Céline Remy 29:54
even if, especially if it’s a little spark.

Kevin Anthony 29:58
In your case, yes. So I’m gonna say that most women do enjoy receiving gifts. Of course, if it’s not their primary love language, giving them lots of gifts, big gifts, gifts all the time isn’t really going to do it. But a gift from time to time almost always works.

Céline Remy 30:15
Yeah, you know, for others, it’s going to the beach and watching a sunset because they feel like it’s relaxing, they get to spend time with their partner, while forever they’re like, this is so boring, I can’t believe this is happening. And so this is more geared towards those who like to spend quality time. So again, we back to the different love languages here. So women who enjoy spending quality time will love these special moments.

Kevin Anthony 30:44
Yeah, again, the majority of women will actually appreciate this. But right, if you want to do it every single week, or a couple of times a week, if it’s not her primary love language to make, okay, you know, I’ve seen a few sunsets, like, let’s move on and do something else. However, I don’t know that I’ve ever met a woman that didn’t like that, at least occasionally,

Céline Remy 31:09
well, especially if you like to hold hands and tell her how beautiful she is. And you look at the sunset, you take picture of her with this beautiful lighting, and then you frame it because that’s how much inspires you. I mean, like, I have a romance that I’m getting what just talking about this,

Kevin Anthony 31:26
if you live someplace where you don’t have good sunsets then do a sunrise, usually that usually you have one or the other, you’ve got a great sunrise that you can see, or you’ve got a great sunset.

Céline Remy 31:37
Yes. For others, it’s all about setting the moods and lighting candles, and giving each other massages. And while for others, they feel like it’s a little tacky, or you’re trying too hard if you put little hearts and, and pedals and all of these things. But I think actually, and I’m gonna step in there, Kevin, stepping on your toes,

Kevin Anthony 32:01
that you know.

Céline Remy 32:05
I think that women that are like this are like jaded, and they’re like, oh, I don’t, I don’t want to want this. I don’t want to like that. Because it might make me weaker, or it might make me like, more vulnerable, or show a softer side. And I’m a tough woman, I don’t need that. But the reality of it is, they will enjoy it.

Kevin Anthony 32:27
I think frequency here has a lot to do with it as well, right? Because if Well, first of all, if you are only creating these moments, and massaging each other, once a month or less, then yeah, go forth, do this every single time because you’re not actually doing as frequently as you should be.

Kevin Anthony 32:48
But if you’re giving the relationship, the attention it needs and you’re creating these moments more frequently than if you do this every single time it’s gonna lose its punch, so to speak, it’s gonna look like, you know, she’s a male. Yeah, okay, so the rose petals again, like he did that last week and the week before that, before the thing you right, so you don’t necessarily need to do it.

Kevin Anthony 33:11
In fact, you shouldn’t do it every single time. But you should be creating these moments frequently. And then sprinkling in times, where you really sort of go overboard and make it really nice and really amazing.

Céline Remy 33:24
Well, the bottom line here is that if a man tries to force a style of romance on a woman that just doesn’t match her personality, she will feel as like, he does not really get her he does not understand her, she’s who she is and that he doesn’t care. So basically, we’ll go to that, like he’s not caring enough about me.

Kevin Anthony 33:46
So that’s the whole presence thing. Right? And that’s the same thing we talk about when we’re talking about lovemaking which is as a man you have to be so present that you’re paying attention to every little thing you know, does this the rest feel good? Or is she you know, not liking that and there’s all these signs and symptoms and so the same thing applies to the relationship itself. When do you do these romantic gestures?

Kevin Anthony 34:09
Are you really paying attention to how she receives them? Right, as opposed to well, the book said or Kevin and Celine said I should do this so I’m just gonna go ahead and do that right but how’s it landing on the other side?

Kevin Anthony 34:23
You have to really be paying attention you know when you hand your flowers did she go Oh, thanks flowers and put them in a jar and then never mentioned them again? Or does she like to light up and be like, Oh, my God, you brought me flowers?

Kevin Anthony 34:36
This is amazing. Oh, I’ve already looked at them three times today, you know, like sounds like me. But it did but here’s the thing, right? This thing is I buy you flowers more than any woman I’ve ever bought flowers for really? Oh, yeah, you fat. But do you know why I’m motivated to do that?

Kevin Anthony 35:00
Because of the way you receive it because it makes you so happy that I’m like, Oh, easy, I can totally stop and get flowers. And all of a sudden it transforms her into this, you know, super happy, you know, woman. So why wouldn’t I do that, right? But that’s the thing is you have to pay attention to how these things are landing, and how they’re being received. And then do the things that you know, really light her up more, and the other things less.

Céline Remy 35:30
So we’re going to give you 13 romantic ideas. Again, they’re not an exhaustive list, every woman is different, we do recommend that you have this conversation with your partner that you’re playing, ask her to write it down for you to share with you like what, what does romance look like to her and be very specific so that you will know what to do.

Céline Remy 35:50
But number one, you want to speak her love language, because romance is all about the heart and the heart connection and the love. So you got to speak her love language.

Kevin Anthony 36:01
We did an entire episode on love languages. So go back and listen to that if you’re not familiar with what they are and how to speak them.

Céline Remy 36:09
Number two, buy her flowers. You can’t really go wrong with flowers. Let’s be honest.

Kevin Anthony 36:16
Today we have a flower that never dies.

Céline Remy 36:18
Oh, that’s so sweet. Just like that’s just romance to my man. And he liked it. Totally, totally spontaneous. Number three, write her little note. And by the way, I think the notes are great for men as well. Like when he gets a little note in his lunchbox or in like his luggage or whatever. It’s like you like it?

Kevin Anthony 36:46
I do. I do. Yeah, you do that you like if I need to go somewhere for the day, whether it’s work or you know, going out to do guy stuff or whatever it is. Yeah, you’ll often put a little note in my little lunch. And it’s really sweet. I like it.

Céline Remy 37:02
You can give number four give her cards. And you know, like the note is sweet and the note can be on the text or the piece of paper but you can go the extra mile with a very special or special card with a specific Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 37:16
And read your woman you know your woman might be like I love cards. It means you were thinking about me and I love to read them over and over again and other women are like, why are you wasting paper we’re cutting too many trees. This is a ridiculous stop. Just no

Céline Remy 37:29
pollution right now. reuse the same card over and over.

Kevin Anthony 37:37
It was made with sustainable hemp. Okay. organically grown, pesticides sustainably farmed. Even soy Inc.

Céline Remy 37:52
went the extra mile. How romantic.

Kevin Anthony 37:55
Some women would find that romantic it just depends on the woman.

Céline Remy 37:58
Exactly. Well, I wasn’t actually joking, I was actually kind of nice. Number five do little things around the house to help reduce her workload and stress. This is a big one too, because it’s so weird as women, how we like we see things I think before guys do. And again, we’re making generalizations like

Kevin Anthony 38:20
the floor needs to be vacuumed or you know, whatever the counters

Céline Remy 38:24
need to be wiped out. And we’re like, you know, but there are some men who are a little bit more on the OCD and see things as well. But the thing is if we know that there’s this huge list of things that make it so hard for us to let go and relax. But if we get help with just even one of those, it’s like, oh, yeah, it feels so much better.

Kevin Anthony 38:44
This is a big one for couples who have kids. Because I mean, granted, I know you’re both super busy if you have kids, but the women tend to be busier, let’s just be honest, with household stuff. We’re taking care of the kids, you know, the kids usually want mom most of the time.

Kevin Anthony 39:00
And it’s just it’s a lot, right. So, you know, this is a thing I will often tell male clients who have children when they’re complaining that they’re not having enough intimate time or sex with their partners, is it? Okay, well, how is she usually at the end of the day, exhausted not wanting to be touched at all on a scale of one to 10. She’s like a zero, maybe a negative two.

Kevin Anthony 39:25
So how can you try to make sure that she doesn’t end up that way at the end of the day when you finally have an hour to get it? You can offload maybe a little bit of that responsibility.

Céline Remy 39:35
Or you can hire somebody else to do it. You don’t have to be the one doing it. If you have resources and it’s easy, then do that. Like you have to stop thinking that you got to do everything. Maybe it’s like you guys as a unit can hire somebody else to help you both, you know, like think about that. Okay, I’m going to move on a little bit faster here because we’re getting closer towards the end of the show.

Céline Remy 40:00
But I want to make sure we get a few more ideas. Number six dance with her in case you don’t know just a spontaneous dance in the kitchen with you humming or singing or you could even have your song you know, you remember that one that she says is your song even though you have no idea why that’s your song. Like, make sure you play it often and dance. I know

Kevin Anthony 40:20
a lot of guys are gonna hate dancing.

Céline Remy 40:24
Two minutes you don’t like dancing and we dance all the time. Exactly.

Kevin Anthony 40:27
I’m not a dancer, I have no idea how to dance. I know nothing. But I will still dance with you in the kitchen and you love it. So

Céline Remy 40:35
exactly. Tell her how amazing she is, as on number seven. And number eight, appreciate her on a regular basis. And I really think like these are so so so important, again, about being seen and being appreciated. And both of these will work for him as well. Like, it’s just as important for the man to hear how much how you appreciate him how much what he does, makes your life easier, how much who he is is such a good match for you, and all of the things that you appreciate. So it really works for both just let’s be clear with that.

Kevin Anthony 41:14
Mm-hmm. Number nine plan dates ahead of time. This is a really simple one I bought I’m constantly having to teach it to men a lot of time. Well, first of all, a lot of couples don’t even have dates, like regularly planned dates. They just kind of wing it spontaneously from time to time, and then wonder why it didn’t really work out well.

Kevin Anthony 41:33
So first thing, of course, that you’ve heard us say a million times on this show is to have a scheduled date night. But even still, the couples who do that tend to just say, Okay, it’s date night, what do you want to do? And if you really want to be romantic, it helps to plan it ahead of time, because it shows that you were thinking about it prior to Oh, It’s six o’clock, it’s date night starting right?

Kevin Anthony 41:55
It means you were thinking about her, you were thinking about what she might like that you were putting energy into making it happen. And she will definitely see that as a romantic gesture.

Céline Remy 42:07
Number 10. Listen to her. This is a huge one for the guys listening. And we’re getting towards the end of the show. We don’t have that much time to tell you. But really, it’s all about listening. empathically I know that as a guy, you want to fix it, you want to make it better. You’re like, well, if she has a problem, why doesn’t she want it solved? Well, big news.

Céline Remy 42:27
She wants to be heard she does not want you to solve the problem. Okay, unless she specifically says help me out. How can I fix this? Or how can you know, like make this happen? If she just vents about the work she has the co-worker or a situation all she wants is you to see listen and then said Well, it sounds like you had a tough day darling. Is there anything I can do to make it better? Would you like a glass of wine or you feed her up?

Kevin Anthony 42:55
This is like, you know, like if you had a manual you know, so you get a woman right. And again, she comes to the manual. This is like on the first page. This is Chapter One,

Céline Remy 43:08
do not fix me, I just want to be her. Huge, huge number 11 sing her song if you’re not a good singer, just play her song and tell her why you chose this specific song with those lyrics. Number 12 Take her somewhere special to us special to her that has a particular meaning to both of you.

Céline Remy 43:31
It could be when you first met or it could be your childhood plays, it could be like whatever, it has something special and shares that because the connection comes not from going to the place itself. The connection comes from you sharing why you chose that special place in the first place.

Kevin Anthony 43:47
Yes, and then the last one on the list was to take her on a beach walk, it could be a beach walk, it could be anything forest,

Céline Remy 43:52
forest, depending on where you live, you know,

Kevin Anthony 43:56
or even just a walk through the neighborhood, right? Hold hands, walk through the neighborhood talk to each other, you know, yeah, and you know,

Céline Remy 44:03
like, talk to each other about each other, not about all this stuff. And you know

Kevin Anthony 44:09
exactly what needs to be done.

Céline Remy 44:11
Dreams, your aspirations, the things you love about each other again, you know, like we always come back to the same things over and over.

Kevin Anthony 44:18
So you know, this is just a shortlist of a few ideas that you know, we sort of brainstormed, many of which we just do ourselves. And so just look at that list and then think outside the box because you could add so many more things to it. And a lot of those things are just small little simple things just to do on a regular basis. Make sure they come from the heart.

Kevin Anthony 44:41
It’s not as hard as you think guys to be romantic. Don’t pay any attention to the stupid movies. The movies make it seem like somehow you have to fly her away on a private jet that has 12 dozen roses in it catered with you know the popular TV chef, you know of the time meals and Take her to some exotic play. Like, you don’t get to do that kind of stuff.

Céline Remy 45:04
Like, if you can, why not, but it doesn’t have to be.

Kevin Anthony 45:07
But here’s the thing is, even if you did that stuff on a regular basis, if you weren’t doing the other things to make her happy, eventually she’s just gonna be like, I don’t care anymore. Like, I don’t want to get on the stupid plane, right?

Céline Remy 45:17
I want you to look at me, I want you to be with me. Right? So we want to leave you on a note that romance is a state of mind. It’s about noticing, savoring, and slowing down. But it’s also important to be consistent. It’s not because you just did it once that night, like, Yep, I’m done for my whole life, you have to show up, you have to show up regularly.

Céline Remy 45:43
Yeah, like, honestly, pretty much every single day with one little romantic gesture, even if it’s just the appreciation piece, you know, and then every now and then doing something a little bit bigger are different to shift things around.

Céline Remy 45:56
But remember, it’s a state of mind, believe in yourself, believe that you know how to be romantic, and then have fun with it. And because it’s about discovering who your woman is, it’s about discovering who you are, and how you love to show up for each other.

Kevin Anthony 46:11
Yep. Any good, successful long-term relationship needs nurturing. And if you could, if you could even manage half a quarter of the ideas that we’ve given you today, you will have instantly transformed your relationship. So yeah, I highly suggest that if this seems difficult to you in any way, you literally go back and listen to this episode again, and write some notes down and really practice it really, really do these things.

Kevin Anthony 46:46
And watch, watch your relationship. Trance form I have seen I have worked with men, whose women are like the hardest of hard asses, like really the hardest of hard asses, and they seem impervious to this stuff. And when the guys start doing it, they’re like, nothing’s happening, man. Like, I keep doing this stuff. And she’s just ignoring me.

Kevin Anthony 47:08
She’s not changing. But over time, over time, there’s a tipping point, the cracks start to happen, you start breaking through with the hardness, right? And eventually, she starts to receive it, and it really does transform their relationships. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode.

Kevin Anthony 47:29
And we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 47:43
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinandceline.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 47:57
Thanks for listening. And remember,

Céline Remy 47:59
you’re amazing