Find Your Love Language And Improve Your Relationship

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts Kevin Anthony, and Celine Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast is Episode 95. And it’s titled find your love language and improve your relationships. So we’ve talked a lot on this show about love languages, but we’ve never taken the time to really go through like the entire thing and why it’s important and how to do it and all of that way. It always seems to come up in the context of something else that we’re talking about.

Kevin Anthony 0:54
So today we thought we would dive a little bit deeper into the love languages, not just what they are because a lot of people have heard What they are, but I think what we really want to get into is sort of practical usage of it because that’s where people seem to fail. Everybody goes, Oh, yeah, I took that test. I know what the love languages are, and then we go, Okay, so how do you use them? crickets?

Kevin Anthony 1:19
Well, you know, like, every once in awhile, I’ll kinda you know. Alright, so there seems to be a problem with where the rubber hits the road. And so I think that’s one of the areas we really want to focus on today.

Céline Remy 1:30
Yeah, so this show is going to be for you whether you are already versed with the love languages, or you are a newbie. And if you want to really take those to the next level, because it’s not just about knowing your own love language, but knowing other people’s love languages and how to bridge that gap between the knowing and the understanding in your head and taking action so that the person can really feel loved.

Céline Remy 1:54
And really excited. We’re going to share some different examples in there and friends’ stories And give you a lot of tips. I’m going to just say that this is all based on the work of Gary Chapman, who’s the one who wrote the Five Love Languages book and there is a test that you can take. It’s a little quiz that he’s got on his website, and we will put the link in the description below if you want to take that quiz. Sometimes it does help, but we will still walk you through each one of the love languages.

Céline Remy 2:26
But before we get into this, let’s give a big shout out to our sponsor power mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder, stronger erections last longer or simply increase your sexual skills. So go to power and mastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 2:53
Alright, so where do we start here with the love languages?

Céline Remy 2:58
Well, I think the first place to start is always with the self. Right? So I think is, if you’re not yet familiar with love Your love languages, or maybe you are familiar and you’ve done the test many years ago, it’s an interesting experiment to take it again, I have seen it that some people will evolve over the years in terms of what they want and what they truly need. And we’ll talk also about the thing that just because you want doesn’t mean you’re not the other in all of this, I think that’s really important. But the first part is knowing your own love language.

Céline Remy 3:36
So if you’re curious, like look at how do you express love to others? Okay, what you know, when you’re like, naturally without thinking it, how do you usually show your love to others? So for my case, it’s with words of appreciation. It’s interesting, there are several that are in the middle. There’s definitely some there is an act of service and quality time. I mean, maybe I’m not a good case. I’m like already like, Oh my gosh, like, I’m all of them. Sorry, I’m getting you confused. So maybe we’ll go back to that one later. How do you Okay,

Kevin Anthony 4:16
But let’s take a step back for a second. So there’s, there’s knowing your love languages as far as how you naturally give to other people, and then there’s knowing your love languages, which is how you like to receive from other people. What you started talking about was, what is sort of the way that you normally give to other people, right? That’s for some people, it’s like, well, you know, I just when I see something, I buy him a little gift or I think about them when I’m in the store and this thing and then you know, so I just like to give them little gifts over time.

Kevin Anthony 4:51
Like for some people, that’s just naturally how they are in a relationship for others. It’s words of appreciation, right where they’re like, you know, I just like to show them I appreciate them on a regular basis every day. And so the first part of what you’re talking about is, look to see how you normally show up in a relationship without even doing the test without trying to overthink it too much. Just think about what are the types of things that you do? Do you tend to give gifts? Do you tend to give appreciation? Or do you tend to do acts of service?

Céline Remy 5:23
Do you like to spend time with people? Is

Kevin Anthony 5:25
it just about spending quality time and that’s actually a big one that gets overlooked a lot? For a lot of people. It’s just a matter of, do we spend time together? So think about that, because that is going to be very important when you find out what your partner’s love languages are because you’re going to see if they line up and it’s okay if they don’t, but if they don’t, then you’re gonna have to figure out how to make them line up. We’ll talk more about that later.

Céline Remy 5:49
Well, and the reason I had to start with how do you express love to others because that’s usually like you do usually what you like to receive so there’s a career Relation between how you tend to do it to others is how you like to have it done on to yourself as well. So it was kind of as a way to start to get to know yourself more. Another thing that can help you to see is it when you’re in a relationship, and it could be any relationship, it doesn’t have to be an intimate relationship. I want to point that out. What is it that you miss and complain about the most?

Céline Remy 6:23
And, okay, I’m again, going back to my own example of earlier when I’m saying well, there are so many different love languages that I do like and appreciate it. But if there was one missing, and I had a relationship where it was missing, and that’s how I knew that it was the most important one for me. So the demand was where I was not good at giving me words of appreciation, telling me I love you and using words. And I realized that it didn’t matter how much he would spend time with me or do things for me or anything like that. The fact that he was not willing, able, whatever the excuse was, and we’ll come back to that later, basically felt like the love was missing.

Céline Remy 7:06
You know, and I gave it six months I tried, I tried and I was like, This is not working for me because I am not receiving the love that is kind of like oxygen for me. And I know like, let’s say he would do other things. And in my head, I would translate. I was like, this means I love you, you know, and it still wasn’t enough. So if you were to be in a relationship, and there’s like you, you take away one component. What is it that you would say like you miss the most, you know, and if it’s like, wow, I couldn’t be in a relationship without touch. I couldn’t be in a relationship without somebody telling me I love you like all of these different things.

Céline Remy 7:45
So that could help you find that. And then the last part in helping you find out your own love language is what do you request most often? What do you want? So we started to look at what do you give what Missing in that you like complaining about and then what do you want? What do you request?

Kevin Anthony 8:06
Yeah, so this is a really good one because this makes it really obvious what it is that you naturally like. What are the types that are you always say, Oh, can you rub my shoulders? Oh, I’d really love it if you could give me a massage like obviously then if you’re requesting that on a regular basis touches definitely one of your love languages. Or if you’re asking for more appreciation, whatever it is, I think it’s a really good clue as to what your love languages are. What is it that you ask for?

Céline Remy 8:36
So before we explain we are going to explain all five of them. I want to restate them all five in case you are totally newbie and you’re like oh which one are they? And they really you can boil down love languages to five categories, okay, which are words of affirmations, quality time, acts of service. physical touch, and gifts.

Céline Remy 9:04
And so think of different things you like, oh, but what I really like to do is cooking, I express my love for cooking. What that really can be boiled down to is through an act of service, right. And so that’s why there are those five big categories, but the How can be a little bit different but still falls within those categories.

Kevin Anthony 9:26
General, I don’t know if I’ve found anything yet that doesn’t fit into one of those five.

Céline Remy 9:31
That is true.

Kevin Anthony 9:33
Yeah. And some of them fit into more than one category, actually.

Céline Remy 9:36
Absolutely. What I’m excited about bringing to you is like, how do you deal when you have different love languages? Because this is very common, and I want you to be able to really speak each other’s love language because it makes life much easier. So how about we start with diving into words of appreciation or I always say words of affirmation.

Céline Remy 10:00
But I think he calls it words of affirmation. Anyway, doesn’t really matter. It’s close enough. So let’s start with that. Let’s dive into it. What is it? What does it look like and then giving you tips and tricks on like how to bring that into your relationship if that’s your partner.

Kevin Anthony 10:17
Okay, number one on the list, words of affirmation. So when words of affirmation is your love language, you thrive when receiving verbal appreciation. That’s kind of the gist of it, right? It’s appreciation. And this is something that we do a lot in our relationship and I will give you credit for really getting me on board with this one. Well, cuz you have a little game where you often say, Hey, tell me three things that you love about me. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 10:45
Absolutely. So here’s the thing that I learned about myself that words of affirmation for me is the number one if I don’t have that, it’s missing and It’s hard to feel fully loved to the extent that I can be loved if I don’t have that. Now, we all have different levels of how much of this we need to fill up a love tank. And it will vary throughout your life throughout cycles and times and places.

Céline Remy 11:21
And what’s important is to not always just wait for somebody to fill up your tank, but to ask for it if your tank is empty, like hey, like I could use it or appreciation or you know, that kind of can feel needy and that’s why I created the game. Tell me three things you love about me. It’s a game and it’s fun, you know?

Céline Remy 11:41
So it’s like, it doesn’t look like I’m needy, but I’m asking but it works very well and in the dynamic of the relationship with the feminine and the masculine energy. It’s really nice to come from that place of playfulness. It’s from like asked Something from the masculine to deliver to you, and then you get to fully receive it.

Kevin Anthony 12:04
Yeah. And you know, here’s the thing. I think a lot of guys are probably thinking when they’re listening to this. This sounds like work, or maybe something along the lines of, I really don’t like it when she asks for that, like, it’s just don’t like it. But here’s the thing. I actually love that you asked for that. And the reason is, is because it’s actually not my primary love language. And so it’s really easy for me to kind of forget because it’s not what I would ask for. In fact, a lot of times when you say, Tell me three things that you love about me, I’ll give you a list of things that I love about you.

Kevin Anthony 12:45
But I almost never asked you in return. Absolutely. And it doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate it because I actually love it when you do it when you tell me things that you love. Bam, like Oh, that was cool. That felt really great. You know But it’s not something I would normally just ask for. Hmm. So I appreciate the fact that you do ask for it. Because it’s not something that just comes to me right away. You know, and so it’s totally fine to remind me yeah, I’m happy to give you what you want.

Kevin Anthony 13:16
And this is all really about how you asked for it. You know, so as long as you make it fun you make it about a game you show me how much you love when I do that, which motivates me more. You don’t ask a nagging complaining or you never do this kind of way. And it just makes it fun.

Céline Remy 13:34
And you’re bringing a really good point to their Kevin which is all about the request how you do it. And notice that I said a request and not a demand. If you like demanding something, no one is going to give that to you. You’d like if that’s an ultimatum, and you have to give this to me because it’s my love language. I mean, it’s like, yet no thanks. If it’s coming through as a request, it makes a whole world of difference. So how do you ask for a request, which is like, I would love it if you told me things you appreciated about me. I would love to hear how much you love me.

Céline Remy 14:13
Tell me about something so meaningful that I did for you today. You see the variance of like asking for that if the person’s like, I can’t do this right now say, Okay. I’d love at some point to hear it. Could we write it down and come back in an hour? Or can you commit to a time where you can do that? You know, like, it doesn’t mean that because it’s a no it’s a no forever, maybe that’s not the right time they in the middle of a work project a minute, taking care of kids, whatever that is. Just reframe that and it’s really, really important. I also want to mention one more thing around appreciation.

Céline Remy 14:52
Because I think it’s really essential ethic every woman will thrive on appreciation, and you can’t go wrong with appreciating a woman But there is the right way to do appreciation. And that says really what I want to give to you right now before we move on. Telling a woman she’s beautiful, may sound good, but it’s not going to go really anywhere. And so, and if she is beautiful, she’s heard that 1000 times and it goes over her head every time. What will make a bigger difference is to be specific with your appreciation?

Céline Remy 15:24
So it’s to look for something pinpointing it, maybe it’s the way her dress is hugging her body. So you could tell her she looks beautiful. That’s good. But if you say he looks spectacular in that dress, the way it shows up, you curve you look so divine. This sounds much better. And so notice the little things are like oh, wow, the blue of your vest really makes your eyes pop. Kevin today, you look so sharp.

Kevin Anthony 15:53
Yeah, and you know, that’s why that’s important is because it doesn’t sound like it’s just some canned response. And it shows that you as a guy are paying attention. And women really like that when you pay attention when you notice the fact that they trimmed a micro, like, you know, millimeter off their hair, like thinking my hair looks so great. Can’t you see the difference? It’s gigantic. Yeah, you’re lagging.

Céline Remy 16:21
But don’t lie, Don’t lie.

Kevin Anthony 16:24
Don’t lie. But what I’m saying is is the more of those little details that you can notice and then use them in your appreciations, the better. And so when you’re using those in appreciations, she all of a sudden goes, Oh, he noticed that. Oh, he’s paying attention.

Céline Remy 16:38
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So I want to move to the second one on our list here, which is quality time. Quality time basically is your primary language when receiving someone’s undivided attention will go straight to your heart. What you want is to spend time together scheduled dates do things together, be together. This has to be your number two. Yeah, it kind of is. I had to think about it. I was like, yeah, it kind of is.

Kevin Anthony 17:12
It actually it’s hard for you to decide, at least from my point of view, whether or not appreciation or quality time is number one. They might even be a little tied there.

Céline Remy 17:22
No appreciation and affirmation is number one, I can tell you that but quality time is a close second, yes, not far behind. And so, what’s interesting about the quality time is it’s about being willing to do this with your partner. If it’s not really like your love language, you know, it knows that it means a lot to them. So it’s not being next to the quality time is not watching TV together. quality time is not sitting next to each other on your phone. It has more to do with looking at each other in really creating a connection.

Céline Remy 18:07
And again, it doesn’t mean that you have to do like say, I don’t know, three hours of it. It could just be to be right there for 10 minutes, that can be enough. Everyone again has a different need in their love tanks of how much they need off the head to feel fully loved up.

Kevin Anthony 18:26
Yeah, I think the operative word in quality time is quality. Because there are tons of people that spend a lot of time together, but it’s not really quality time, like time, you know, doing the shopping and the chores around the house and taking care of the kids is not really quality time for your relationship, per se. I mean, it could be so I don’t want to discount anybody that says no, we have great family quality time because that’s possible. But for many people it’s not it’s busy work and it’s not connected.

Céline Remy 18:59
Yeah. We’ll talk about a reframe to but if you don’t know exactly what to do, because it’s not your love language, you don’t have to be guessing. We highly recommend that this is a conversation you have with your partner. And literally create a document, create somewhere, write it down. We did things like that where I was like, okay, I’d like to have romance and this is what romance looks like. For me, Kevin was like, uh, I don’t know.

Céline Remy 19:25
Okay, here are like 25 things. Here are things that would speak to me because again, just because quality time is an umbrella term. It will mean different things to different people. So ask your partner specifically, what is it for them that makes the biggest difference because, honestly, I want to be able to put in the least amount of energy with the greatest return on it. That’s really what I’m aiming for. So I would much rather know like what can make it to go straight to their heart.

Kevin Anthony 19:59
Well, we all want to be successful, whatever it is we’re doing, we actually want to do it. Well, we want to be successful. And especially as guys, we don’t really like to guess so much like we kind of like the manual. You know, even though there’s a stereotype that guys never read the manual, trust me, if there were a manual for women, we would read it. Because we want, we just want to know what to do. And we don’t want to have to guess to figure it out.

Céline Remy 20:24
There’s one last thing that I’d like to bring on the quality time because for some people who’s not, that’s not their primary love language, they might feel like, Oh, my gosh, this is gonna be a lot of my time. Like, I don’t have time for this, or I don’t know, like, I want you to think of it as an investment. And I want you to think of it as the more you willing to spend some quality time, the less you’re going to spend time bickering, arguing, and having resentments. So you’re actually doing something that will prevent all these horrible things that we don’t want to have in relationships. Just investing an hour a week will prevent that. So it’s worth it. Hmm.

Kevin Anthony 21:05
All right, let’s move on. Cuz we still got three more to do. All right, number three gifts. All right. So if you enjoy receiving gifts, then gifts are probably one of your primary love languages. Here’s the thing about gifts. I mean, it seems pretty straightforward, right? It’s like, okay, yeah, we get it, you like to get stuff. But the key to gifts is that they don’t have to be anything, in particular, they don’t have to be big, they don’t have to be expensive. They don’t have to be anything in particular.

Kevin Anthony 21:36
And what matters more, when it comes to gifts, is you know, they always say it’s the thought that counts. Well, it is actually the thought that counts. And it’s the emotion behind the gift that you give more so than the gift itself. In other words, you could be throwing you know, Diamond necklaces and rings all over the place, you know, but if there’s nothing really behind it If you’re just like, Oh, I fucked up, I’m gonna stop at the jewelry store and pick up $1,000 you know, Diamond bracelet or something like that.

Kevin Anthony 22:10
That doesn’t mean the same thing as if you, you know, just picked on your way home like you were, let’s say you walk from the train station or whatever and you picked some, some wildflowers that were growing and arranged them in a little bouquet like that shows way more thought. And in my opinion, more love and emotion than just something that you happen to just grab at the store because you were trying to, you know, not get in trouble.

Céline Remy 22:38
Absolutely, I would say yes to this. To me, gifts are the last on the list. So it’s not that important, but I still will enjoy them and receive them. One thing that people need to really remember as we talking about love languages, is if you want your partner to continue to speak your language You have to take the time to receive when they do something for you.

Céline Remy 23:03
And this is a really important concept. Because if they make an effort to bring you a gift, and you’re like, Oh, thank you, or don’t look at it or our crate, you know, they’re not gonna want to keep doing this. And so your ability to fully receive and feel loved up for half a second free minutes, whatever that takes will make a whole difference. And just because you received something does not mean you have to give something back in return in that moment. It has more power to simply receive because the transaction from going over giver to a receiver is complete.

Céline Remy 23:40
And when you feel genuinely moved to be a giver, then you go and do it rather than like, oh, I’ve received and I have to give. And if you really stay in your heart, when you do that, there’s no more like, that’s what that’s like, oh, he did this. She did that. It’s more like when am I moved When do I feel like doing something special for the person that I love?

Kevin Anthony 24:05
Yeah. And it’s totally great if it’s sort of random, spontaneous, different things different times, if it becomes a routine or like every week, you get a certain this or certain that it really does lose its value. Because you said, yeah, it’s just the thing that you do. It’s a routine kind of thing. So try not to make it like that.

Céline Remy 24:26
It’s a good one you’re bringing we have friends that we know who he’s very romantic, and he’s constantly doing things all the time. One thing that I’ve noticed is, at first, she was loving those things. Now they’ve been together for like three years or so. I’ve noticed that sometimes she just goes like, not that she dismisses them, she still goes, Oh, thank you and then kind of moves on. But there is a point where it could also be a little bit too much. No, and it’s better to take little breaks than to constantly be doing that.

Kevin Anthony 25:00
Yeah, you know, in their case, he loves to give gifts. And it’s not that she doesn’t like to receive them. She does, but I can tell it’s not her primary love language. And so it’s kind of interesting to see that mismatch. You know, she’s like, Oh, that’s great. I love it. Thank you. You know, it’s not that she doesn’t appreciate it. It’s just that you can tell they have, they have mismatched Love Languages there. And it’s, it lights him up to do that kind of stuff.

Céline Remy 25:27
Mm-hmm. So we got some more fun stories that we’re going to tell you as we move to number four of acts of service. Oh,

Kevin Anthony 25:33
yeah, we got a good one.

Céline Remy 25:34
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Céline Remy 26:12
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Kevin Anthony 26:22
Alright, so number four acts of service when acts of service is your primary love language. Anything that your partner does to ease the burden of your responsibilities will speak volumes. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 26:37
All right.

Kevin Anthony 26:38
Well, you know, lots of things can be considered acts of service. Personally, I think a blow job is an act of service. It could be a gift to but Hmm, yeah.

Céline Remy 26:48
And that’s a great point to bring in Kevin. And this is one of the biggest reframe when we work with a couple that we have them start to see because one of them is like oh, All about like gifts or acts of service, something different. But like you said, Your acts of service could be considered the gift. But it’s still an act of service or spending. Even if let’s say your partner’s time is quality time, and you are acts of service, being willing to spend quality time with them can become acts of service from yourself. And so it’s all about the reframe, about how you see it.

Céline Remy 27:27
So you don’t have to think like, oh, I don’t speak that language. And by the way, it’s not difficult to learn somebody else’s language. It’s not difficult to learn another language. As you can hear, I speak English, and I also speak French. My native tongue is French and Kevin only speaks English and I learned English so that we could communicate it wasn’t that hard. And so it’s the same with the love languages. She didn’t learn English just to communicate with me. She knew before we got fancy Kevin,

Kevin Anthony 27:58
that’s true. I just didn’t want everybody Why didn’t he learn to speak French?

Céline Remy 28:01
Yeah

Kevin Anthony 28:05
I know some were thinking that already

Céline Remy 28:08
I had already been in the states for nearly a decade before I met you. So

Kevin Anthony 28:13
let’s dive into these acts of service because one of the things that you realize is that yes, there are overlaps right? Because a blow job could be a gift could be an act of service that even falls into the touch category.

Céline Remy 28:24
That’s true. Right so quality time if you make it last gift here listener

Kevin Anthony 28:31
Oh my God, we just figured it out. The thing that satisfies all five love languages is the blowjob. You heard it here on the love lab first, ladies and gentlemen.

Céline Remy 28:47
It could just be any oral doesn’t have to just be a blowjob. Okay, that’s clear.

Kevin Anthony 28:52
All right, there you go. But here so here’s the thing about acts of service. This is one and that I think a lot of guys just naturally do, as we talked in the beginning about look at the types of things that you tend to do normally. And I think a lot of guys do this. I think that it is one of the most overlooked ones by women. It would tell you a story that is the perfect example of this. So we have a friend, she was dating this guy, and they were driving in her car and they came home, and the brakes made a squeaking noise.

Kevin Anthony 29:29
And so, you know, later on, like, he disappears, she doesn’t know where he’s at. She’s trying to figure out like, he gets in his car drives away. And she’s trying to figure out what’s going on. So then, later on, he comes back, and she looks out there and she sees he’s got all the tires off the car. And he’s underneath the car doing something and she’s like, what, and now she’s literally getting angry. She’s like, Where did he go? Why didn’t he tell me where he’s going? What is he doing to my car to pieces on the ground, you know?

Kevin Anthony 30:00
She’s like getting yourself all worked up like are you know? So she goes down there. And she’s like, what are you doing? And he’s like, I’m fixing the brakes in your car. Hey,

Céline Remy 30:11
actually, she said she took it on herself. She knew his love language was acts of service and it wasn’t her. So she took a deep breath. She got to be here. And she said, here’s a beer, honey when she was like, I want to kill you. But I’m going to say this is awesome. She gave him the beer. And then she went back inside vented a little bit when she understood what was going on, like, didn’t tell him anything.

Céline Remy 30:35
And when he came back, he was so proud because he had delivered the act of service fix her brakes, no problem of the car. Now she was saved. And he thought it was so cool that she came by to check in on him and to give him a beer because again, that’s kind of acts of service. Right? Yeah. So that shows that this could have gone really wrong. Had she’d be like, what are you doing, like do the whole process out loud? Right.

Kevin Anthony 30:59
Yeah. I mean, she almost went wrong anyway, somehow she managed to pull it back a little bit. But it’s a great example because that’s the type of thing that guys do all the time. Because those are things we do like we fix stuff, you know, we’re good at that we actually usually enjoy that kind of stuff. So it’s easy for us to do that.

Kevin Anthony 31:17
And in his mind, he was thinking, I’m saving her money because she doesn’t have to take it to a shop. And I’m making it safe so that she’s not gonna get into an accident, you know, and it’s, you know, something that’s easy for him to deliver because he’s good at it.

Céline Remy 31:32
I’m the knight in shining armor. She’s gonna love me so much for me doing that. So

Kevin Anthony 31:36
he’s thinking he’s doing a great job, and she’s in there getting angrier and angrier as the minutes go by like put those damn tires back on my car.

Céline Remy 31:48
I love this story because I think it’s it even though every gender can have any of these qualities. I do say is see that often. terms affirmation and appreciation will tend to be a little bit more favored by women who like to receive that. And acts of service oftentimes is something that guys can do more easily. Again, it’s a generality we know, many of you will say, I’m not falling into this. And that’s fine. We just speaking as a generality, if you understand that, it’s really important to start to look at all the little things from, you know, for me, it’s like, okay, I made it very clear.

Céline Remy 32:29
I can empty the compost, I can take the trash out, I can do all of these things. I just don’t like it. It’s stinky and smelly and big. So Kevin became the keeper of all these things for us. And I appreciate those things when he does them, you know, and paying attention to the little things even if that’s not how I would have done it, maybe from my perspective, it would be coming more from like, mothering nurturing type.

Céline Remy 32:56
Well, from a guy’s perspective, it’s more as “Fixit” than anything else, if you’re able to see those things and appreciate him and hear I’m bringing some appreciation in the mix, acknowledging that he’s doing this, this will go a long way in him, feeling seen appreciated and having his love tank filled up.

Kevin Anthony 33:18
And extra servers can be anything. I mean, there are so many different things that can fall into that. If you’re not good at fixing cars, then don’t try to fix her brakes, but, but there are tons of other little things like, like, this is one that I like to do a lot. I actually like to do acts of service thing a lot, I don’t know why because it’s just it’s easy, and I don’t mind and I know that it makes your life easier, but little things like we’re having dinner on the upstairs deck, and we don’t have enough olive oil for the meal. Uh-huh. And you’re like, what should we do?

Kevin Anthony 33:50
You’re like, you don’t want to have to get up and go downstairs and get more olive oil and I’m like, no problem. I got it. Mm-hmm. You know, or, you know, it’s nice And you’re like, oh, I left my book downstairs. I’m like, I’ll get up and get it. Mm-hmm. Just little things like that those little acts of service done repeatedly, over and over and over again make a big difference.

Céline Remy 34:12
Absolutely. And I want to do one more reframe around the acts of service. You know, these acts of service need to be done. With drawers to be received as a gift of love. You can’t go like Fine, I’ll do this and I complain, it has to

Kevin Anthony 34:26
be done with love. That defeats the whole purpose.

Céline Remy 34:29
Absolutely. Okay, let’s move on to the last one. And since it’s yours, why don’t you tell our listeners about the last love language,

Kevin Anthony 34:36
physical touch, holding hands, kissing, hugging, and making love are all essential to you if that’s your primary love language? Yeah, I like to receive physical touch. I would definitely put that up there as one of my

Céline Remy 34:52
top one. Yeah. So a lot of guys will say touch first. And that’s very common, actually. One thing that I’ve noticed that is very important to realize is touch and sexual intimacy are two different things. And oftentimes, for whatever reason people lump these things together, and then the touch only happens when there are sexual penetration things happening. They think touch means touch my

Kevin Anthony 35:17
penis.

Céline Remy 35:18
Yes, that’s

Kevin Anthony 35:20
fine. But that’s only one of many, many places they could touch

Céline Remy 35:24
Touch even she touched my penis doesn’t mean half penetration sex, it could just touch my penis and worship my cock because it’s awesome. Every guy wants that. And I think that’s something that should be done often. It just doesn’t mean that because we have to penis we have to do anything else with it. I think that’s really important that people realize that touch is essential and easy love language, but you need to separate the act of touching with the act of having sex because a lot of people are then stuck in a loop where they only touch where are they going to have sex?

Céline Remy 36:00
And those men or women whose primary love language is touch are touch deprived and love deprived, and they kind of become a little bit needy and there’s not enough and then they, they can be perceived as like, oh, he always wants to have intercourse because he’s basically touch-deprived. And we’ve worked with couples where we had them simply reintroduced non-sexual touch or even sexual touch that didn’t have to lead to anything, but just touching a penis or grabbing ass or whatever that was.

Céline Remy 36:32
And that allowed the nervous system of the person whose primary love language was touched to start to relax and they weren’t coming on as so needy anymore as like a must-have that. They knew they were getting their needs met, they started to feel loved. And then it was much easier for them to also give that love to their partner.

Kevin Anthony 36:55
Yeah, one of the most common dynamics we see when it comes to touch and couples He wants more touch. And she doesn’t really want to do it because in her mind, and maybe even in his every time she touches him, it means it has to lead to penetration. And she doesn’t always want that. So she doesn’t initiate the touch. I mean, if we had a nickel for every time we have heard that scenario, and so the big reframe is exactly what you said, which is it doesn’t have to lead to sex.

Kevin Anthony 37:25
And, you know, this is something we teach in our online courses too. And we’ve talked about in the show many times, but even if you do have sex, it doesn’t have to lead to ejaculation. Guys, you need to get over that you need to figure out how to utilize your energy without it always resulting in an ejaculation because if you can do that, if she knows that she can go and touch your penis, or she can have some sort of sexual type touch without you having to go Oh, well now you got to finish me. If she knows that she’s gonna do it way more often.

Céline Remy 37:57
Absolutely. So These are all the five primary love languages, and they all have different variations. So we recommend that you sit down with your partner and have them tell you exactly how it works for them. What are the exact things, take notes, pay attention, it’s going to be easier at the beginning of the relationship.

Céline Remy 38:19
And what you need to watch for is once you’ve been in a long term relationship, you’re over the honeymoon phase, you might be in the cruising, not giving enough attention anymore. And that’s when you absolutely need to go back on track with putting attention into your relationship. You can check in with your partner, like how’s your love tank going, you know, like it’s kind of an expression that Gary Chapman has, like, how long have you feel like is there anything you would need to feel more loved today?

Céline Remy 38:51
What can I do to support you more like be curious and pay attention? And if they say something, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It just means they could use more of something, it suggests a request a suggestion to bring love to a higher level.

Kevin Anthony 39:08
Absolutely. So there you go, there is our in-depth explanation of the Five Love Languages and how you can use them in your everyday life to make your relationship better. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 39:20
And do them really do them. It’s worth it. It will transform your relationship. It has saved thousands of relationships.

Kevin Anthony 39:28
It’s such a simple practice and yet it is so powerful and it’s definitely a key part that you want to bring in to any strong successful relationship.

Céline Remy 39:39
So do it right now. Go speak your partner’s love language. Start now. Don’t have this podcast. And we’ll see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 39:45
Make sure you turn it back on next week.

Kevin Anthony 39:49
All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have and we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 39:57
We hope you liked this episode of the love lab. podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe, leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 40:04
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at selling remi.com forward slash vault. That’s kevinandceline.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 40:19
Thanks for listening

Céline Remy 40:21
and remember you are amazing.